Posted by Tomatheus on July 17, 2012, at 13:36:19
So, I was responding reasonably well to my regimen of medications and supplements after I had added four drops (14.4 mg) of liquid SAM-e into the mix. My concentration was improved; my energy, psychomotor retardation, and anhedonia seemed to be better than usual; and even my overall cognition seemed to be better than it's been in the time since I took aminoguanidine. Perhaps what's even more important than the fact that I saw my symptoms improve was that I was more functional than I had been in a while during my response to the liquid SAM-e. I was reading more (and reading is something that I can't do much of when I'm not responding to treatment), listening to music (which is something that I can't normally bear to do), and I even put in an application for a volunteer job. But last night, that all-too-familiar feeling of not being able to concentrate on anything came back, and it came back rather quickly. I've since increased my liquid SAM-e dose to 5 drops (18 mg), which seems to be helping some, although I haven't been feeling as well at this new dose as I was at my old dose before it pooped out.
One of the problems with being at this higher dose of liquid SAM-e is that it, too, will almost definitely lose its therapeutic benefits before too long. It might be the case that I'll be able to return to liquid SAM-e at a later time (once I discontinue the supplement) and still be responsive to the supplement at four drops again, but then again, that might not be the case. In most cases, restarting supplements several months after having tried them and responded to them temporarily, I would get no response. I don't know why this is, but that seems to be the rule when it comes to treating this concentration-dominant depression. What's probably stranger than anything else is that SAM-e used to be pretty much the only treatment option out of those that I've tried that would have a consistent long-term effect without pooping out (even if it was just a partial effect) -- at least when it came to treating my anergic/vegetative depression before I began experiencing psychotic symptoms. But now that I've got the psychotic symptoms to contend with and that my "depression" manifests itself as more of a disorder of concentration than an all-out absence of thought and energy, the disorder has seemingly become more difficult to treat. The fact that even SAM-e poops out leaves me with what I feel are few viable options.
So, what should I do? There is always the possibility that another supplement might do something that the supplements that I've tried previously haven't, but then again, my track record with supplements tends to be of many short-term successes with little to no success in the long run. As far as I'm concerned, I've tried every medication that I think is worth trying, and the same goes for therapies. Exercise has also shown itself to be of no use for treating any of my psychiatric symptoms. So, where does that leave me? I won't accept my symptoms the way they are when they're not responding to treatment because they're simply too unbearable and leave me pretty much useless. I hate to use that term, and I'll probably be accused of being too negative for using it, but if you could observe my functioning when I'm not responding well to treatment, you'd probably agree that it's more or less true (that I'm useless). I do think about ending it all and think that it would be a good idea, but I just don't have the guts to go through with it. So, that's probably not going to happen. So, again, where does that leave me? I don't know, but it doesn't look good.
Thanks for reading. Help and support would be appreciated.
Tomatheus
Dx: schizoaffective disorder
Taking Abilify and 6 supplements
tomatheus.blogspot.com
poster:Tomatheus
thread:1021613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20120530/msgs/1021613.html