Posted by Hombre on July 31, 2010, at 6:59:48
In reply to Re: Like your thoughts Hombre, posted by Lao Tzu on July 30, 2010, at 15:23:43
I don't really spend too much time dwelling on the past, although there are still some painful memories. If anything, I've been depressed so long that my memory is kind of poor in certain ways. I did spend a lot of my younger years stuck on past pain and anger. I made very little progress in terms of depression during this period.
I think it is important to tell yourself that you are willing to feel a little uncomfortable and that you will try things that you could not do before. But you don't want to put too much pressure on yourself or self-criticize if you aren't up to it. It's that balance between self-acceptance and challenging yourself. Brutal honesty, but boundless compassion. Something I'm trying to work on; perhaps my Achilles heel.
It is necessary for someone like me, who was not able to function fully for so long, to challenge the assumptions that "I can't" do something. Hell, I started swimming recently after a childhood of swimming lessons that I hated and I never really learned to swim. Well, that's not true anymore. After just a couple of weeks I'd improved my physical capacity (adapted to the new movements) so that I was able to do the length of the pool without stopping. Maybe that's easy for most people, but it's huge for me. I enjoy it. I never enjoyed it before, but I told myself to give it another chance. I'm glad I did.
I'm finding out that a large part of my opinion of myself was based on a false premise; I judged myself based on many of the limitations that the illness placed on me. My inability to follow through on plans and desires being a large part of that. Now that I can do things that I thought I couldn't, I have to throw out my view of myself and craft a new one. This can be very difficult or very easy depending on how flexible we can be with our thinking.
The ability to control thoughts is a skill to some extent. Assuming you have reached some degree of stability on meds, supplements and/or herbs or whatever, you can start to meditate a little and become aware of how the mind constantly churns out thoughts, seemingly of its own accord. And you start to realize that you are not your thoughts, since you are able to step back and observe them. And when you can become aware of your thoughts you can start to cut them off soon after they start to form, or transpose a more positive thought on top of the negative thought. This has to be done with patience and compassion for yourself. But once you have some practice it is like anything else that improves with repeated exposure and practice.
The same process can be done to become aware of your breathing and the physical sensations created by emotions like fear, anxiety, worry, anger, etc. A lot of what we think, feel, do and say are habits. Reflexive re-actions that have become our automatic routines. The thing is, we can re-program ourselves with better routines. Upgrade our OS, so to speak. It just takes the humility to admit that we may not be thinking/feeling/doing what is best for us, and that it may be in our best interest to change.
The desire and willingness to change is key. I believe that this is one of the few things we can control even in the grips of crippling anxiety and debilitating depression. To say that we will not stand for this and that we think we deserve better. When this desire is allowed to mature and starts to saturate your unconscious and conscious mind, change will eventually manifest in due time. It could take a while, but it will eventually happen. You gotta believe. To quote Shephard Book from Serenity, "I don't care what you believe--just believe!"
Like you say, I think one needs to be ready to feel better, because having more energy or less anxiety but the same negative thought patterns and psycho-physiological reactions to stress will only amplify things. Herbs are a tool for balancing out the energy of a person. People have physical energy, emotional energy, mental energy, and spiritual energy. These are merely ways to classify a person's energy on a continuum between matter and energy, physical energy/matter being the foundation and spiritual energy being the most refined and least condensed form. It's the sparkle in a person's eye, no need to get into mysterious or fantastical explanations.
Herbs help balance out and heal the physical body. As the body becomes stronger, the emotions and thoughts will become less diseased. As your body is less taxed by the stress caused by negative thoughts and emotions, more energy can go towards the higher functions. We are more able to articulate and try to live by our deepest values and dreams. We can then reverse the process and turn thoughts back into concrete reality.
As we become more aware of our personal energy, we start to respect it more and do what we can to minimize wasted energy and maximize the generation of high, positive energy. We may try to eat better, exercise, think positively, get enough sleep. We may try to improve our relationships, a great source of energy. We may take up hobbies to exercise our creativity and participate in activities with no other purpose than to feel joy. We become more engaged in life and derive satisfaction from working towards our dreams and enjoying the ride. We give and take, spend and save, move and rest. Is this not what life is?
I hope that wasn't too long winded. I have been trying to tie together a lot of ideas and they are still in a rough format.
poster:Hombre
thread:956254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100703/msgs/956545.html