Posted by StillHopefull on May 17, 2010, at 18:57:57
In reply to Re: My Neurofeedback Experience » StillHopefull, posted by janejane on May 17, 2010, at 18:10:33
So I have had a total of 3 treatments in the last 2 weeks. My last treatment was this past Friday afternoon.
I still haven't made up my mind whether I believe it is helping me or not. When I think of it with my logical brain, I just don't see how it can work. I was dozing off during the last treatment and tried really hard to stay alert. When the session was over, I mentioned how much difficulty I had staying awake. The dr. said it didn't matter if I fell asleep - the treatment would still be effective. WTF??? Then what is the point of staring at the pictures on the screen?
Anyway - I do feel better in that I am not crying all day. There is that to be thankful for. And I was very productive over the weekend. I cleaned the floors in the kitchen, living room, and dining room. Moving furniture, area rugs, the whole deep cleaning thing. Even vacuumed the furniture.
So was it the treatment that made me feel so energetic? Or was it the guilt trip my husband laid on me the night before? Saying I needed to stop cratering and get it together and pull my weight in the house and blah, blah, blah. Guilt can be pretty motivating.
Oh oh. By responding to Hubby's whining, did I just confirm that I CAN actually get it together if I really want to? I certainly don't want to give the Mr. confirmation that he can motivate me by fussing at me. That would be terrible.
Its all very confusing - honestly, would I even get out of bed if I didn't HAVE to take care of things? I don't think so. So there! That means I'm still depressed. I can't take pleasure in ordinary things like going outside, or taking a walk. I have to FORCE myself to accomplish anything. That isn't the way it should be.
But at least I'm not crying all day.
I have this week and next week to see how things go. If I don't see a dramatic improvement, I guess it's back to the meds. I HATE to go through that again. BUT I can look back and remember what it was like to have energy and motivation. Going to work, then coming home and cooking dinner, then working on my little art projects - going to the movies or festivals on the weekends. I don't have that life now. I just stay in bed and read or watch TV. My home and family are doing without... Thats no way to live. They deserve better and so do I.
poster:StillHopefull
thread:946447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20100516/msgs/947736.html