Posted by linkadge on April 25, 2005, at 19:44:02
In reply to Re: What do you take Larry » linkadge, posted by Larry Hoover on April 25, 2005, at 9:26:29
I admire your struggle and your courage.
I hope you might take the time to read a little about me.
My main concerns started with an inability to concentrate, and constant phyiscal anxiety from the time I woke till the time I slept, which was obviously not too sound. Major apaty and anhedonia, no reason for living bla bla bla.I try to cover all the baiscs with nutrition. Eat well, always have, good fats, lots of vegetables, multivitamin, pletny of vigourous exercise.
Omega3, tryptophan and tyrosine extra vitamin C and magnesium during stressfull times.My main emotion is fear. All day and all night. Constant fear that drains all my energy. Fear leads to hate, and apathy.
I have been on quite literally everthing. Many many antidepressants, stimulants, sedatives, antipsychotics, anticovulsants, mood stabalizers,
I've been on more drugs then people twice my age, but I just can't stop the pain. I think about suicide every single day. If I could push a button and not be, I would have pushed that button like a rat does for a heroin injection.
The problem I have with the drugs is that all of the antidepressants feel so artificial (only been on serotonin medications). I don't feel like myself on them. They turn me into a person I don't even recognize. I feel posessed. Things look artificial. My brain spends all its time trying to wake up from them. My brain spends all its time trying to reject the reality they assert. They just distract me. They try and make me feel more capable than I am.
I am at a crisis. I don't know who to trust, or what to trust. Doctors have all of 10-15 minautes to spend with me, and quite honesly I'd rather be dead than assume that my life can be changed with 10 minautes and a month worth of placebos.Basically I figure if I bum around this page for long enough, maybe I can find enough information to change that needle from suicidal to a pass.
As you may know I have found some help with alternatives but I am poor, and afraid to start something that I might not be able to continue.
Sorry for the negativity, but I suppose there are special sites for people who are positive :)
Linkadge
poster:linkadge
thread:488772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20050414/msgs/489433.html