Posted by budgie on December 23, 2004, at 3:54:15
I know Cannabis has been dicussed ad nauseum here, but I haven't been on PB in ages and I'm also looking for some thoughts regarding its use and concomitant anxiety--whether it was caused by the pot itself or by the environment I used it in.
Back in high school/early college, maybe 8-9 years ago, I abused pot quite regularly, along with alcohol and occasional hard drugs. For about 2 years I smoked it almost daily, oftentimes in great quantities with the direct intention of getting as absolutely freaking high as I could. About half-way through those 2 years, though, I began getting panic attacks and paranoia, gradually worsening to the point where I would become...well in as bad of a mental state as I have ever been in or can really imagine. What a horrible feeling. So I quit. The paranoia and scary mental states quickly left, but ever since then I've suffered from bad social anxiety, muscle spasms--particularly and acutely in my face, and a host of physical ailments including low appetite, being underweight, poor digestion, chronic muscle aches, tension, and fatigue. Oh yeah, and depression (but that goes way, way back).
Anyway, as I said, I'm revisiting the idea of using pot, or as I prefer to think of it now, therapeutic cannabis. In the intervening years, I've tried...12 different medications. Right now I've sort of stabilized with Lamictal and Celexa at very small doses, along with Klonopin and Xanax to tweak things as I go along. Everything at small doses, though, as I seem to be pretty hypersensitive. This has been by far the most successful and longest-term treatment I've had. 3 anti-seizure drugs, though.
But the physical symptoms are all still there, as are the psychological ones, too, when meds wear off. I remember back to the effects of pot and think how nice it would feel again--because it really did help so many things and feel wonderful for a long time. If I could experience those feelings again--in moderation, in a safe environment, for therapy--I feel like it might really help.
But there's the anxiety issue. I have no idea if that anxiety was caused by the pot *in itself* or rather by the level of abuse, loss of control, and negative environments and company in which I was using it. I actually had similar problems with alcohol for a while, but have since learned to enjoy a glass of wine or a beer now and then when I'm with a friend. The benzos have helped me get my feet into so many doors, e.g. jobs, friendships, etc., and helped me dissociate my anxiety from those situations to a degree. I wonder if a similar approach could help me to trust a potential therapy and old friend again.
Any thoughts are most welcome.
Chris
poster:budgie
thread:433196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20041212/msgs/433196.html