Posted by Jay2112 on September 11, 2021, at 14:13:18
Hey folks..
I am getting really worried...yet again. My damn meds give me a few weeks of anger, a couple of days of remission, then back again all friggen OVER again!! My anger level is volcanic, and my irritation is horrific.
NO medication seems to help, only a bit of cannabis. (And no, cannabis is NOT the problem..I have independently tested and verified this,)
Damn!!! I just can't seem to put up with people, awaken angry, have horrible dreams, and I get no pleasure out of most things. 30 years on god damn meds, and I still can't control this. "Mood Stabilizers" make me feel like crap...same with all antidepressants. Anti-psychotics make me angry...very angry. Same with beta-blockers, and all of those. Benzo's make me angry. Cannabis is the *only* thing that brings some relief. And very large doses of Lyrica (pregabalin).Now, Effexor really seems to rev up the anger level. After being on it for almost 20 years, shouldn't my friggen serotonin and norepinephrine receptors be majorly downregulated? Every pill still feels like the first time I took this stuff, causing a very irritable mood. But, Tegretol and Depakote/Epival do the same thing!!
And yes, I have tried going without meds, and that makes me suicidal and hopeless. So..I am going to continue using my THC capsules for relief. No, this stuff does not cause me any anger or irritation. It is the only hope I have. (p.s. Taking very, very large doses of Tegretol and Epival, so I feel almost 'stoned' on them, is also the only other things that help. Problem is, I get some really bad side-effects like major dizziness and somnolence.)
Is this the result of taking decades long worth of heavy psych meds? I JUST want a nice, balanced peaceful feeling. I get very, very frustrated...and am hurting the ones I love. My apartment is in shambles, because I get wound up and frustrated trying to organize. I just get p*ssed off, and say f**k it!
I got a beautiful baby kitten, who is rambunctious, and gets into my mess, making it even worse. And, my tolerance level is so damn low, I scream at her constantly. (I have never hit her, no matter what, though..thank christ!!)But, I want to just show her love, tenderness, and empathy. I *used* to be a very relaxed person..with such gentleness and happiness in life. That was part of my disposition.
On a personal note...sorry if this is TMI, but I struggle with impotence. I have well-controlled type 2 diabetes, but from my research, is another major cause of ED. Taking dopamine agonists ALSO enrage me, and don't seem to help. I feel like I am heading down the road to early onset dementia, Parkinson's, or Alzheimer's. Oh, and my sleep is filled with dark, abysmal dreams, replaying horrors from my past over and over again. The only thing good about what Effexor USED to do, is suppress the exhausting REM sleep causing this.
Out of answers...and thinking of using micro-doses
of psilocybin, or MDMA. And, I may try very small dose of Androgel. Just afraid that being over 50, my chances of getting prostate cancer are ever increased.So, ya, I am scare s*itless! Any help would be greatly appreciated. The only thing I actually enjoy is my return to university, and studying intellectual topics. One thing about my social life..I have a brother I love very much..but he, not to sound snobby, does not have an open intellectual understanding of life and the world. The neighbours I do have in my building, are just grumpy, anti-intellectual muscle-heads.
Well, thanks for reading this far.
(A defeated)
JayHumans punish themselves endlessly
for not being what they believe they should be.
-Don Miguel Ruiz-
poster:Jay2112
thread:1116908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20210723/msgs/1116908.html