Posted by swim on August 7, 2016, at 12:46:44
I am at the dead end and out of ideas, even Nardil has stopped working. I'm currently taking no meds as they don't help anymore.
I just forced myself back to work full time in hope to get better by doing something, but this hasn't helped either. My friends tell me to just wait and it'll get better, but i know it wouldn't as i have tried to wait it out two times before without meds in 13 years of being sick, both attempts lasting almost for an year but nothing happened, still depressed. I think about ending my life every day, but it's astonishing how strong human survival instinct is to rather choose life of suffering instead of death. This means i will probably not die very soon so i'm f*ck*d.. something needs to be done here, but i don't know what as i already mentioned before.
I can see many people are against psychotropic drugs, ..give me a better option, i'm all ears.
I can't stop wondering if it was ten years in to the future, like 2026, we will have more drugs available, maybe something would work, or 2100, when there is advanced nanotechnology available for us on the time of technological singularity closing in, we might have beaten the illnes by then, but now we are f*ck*d.
I never thought that my life is going to be like this, even though there is lot of death and suffering in this world, it shouldn't be like this, basic emotions should still exist, the ability to feel joy and sadness, this makes us human, taking away persons ability to feel is not an honest fight. Something needs to be done here, it can't go on like this much longer.
You might notice that there is nothing informative or educational about what i just wrote, but this wasn't the idea, instead i just wanted to express how i feel about life and my current situtation at the current moment. I can see many of us reaching out for help even though we know there is non available, like me.
Anyways, what are the guidelines in countries like the US in case of treatment-resistant depression? I live in a small country where doctors don't use off-lable drugs, so that makes my situation even more f*ck*d up. Everything is so f*ck*d up that it makes me lough some times. Maybe i need to order illicit Ketamine again, though i got hooked last time i self-medicated with it. Ou one more thing, i just got out from my local hospital intensive care department for overdosing on Nardil hoping it will make me a bit better, i also co administered other psychotropic agents with it like Zoloft, Levodopa/Carbidopa, 5-htp and a six-back of cold beer. Every once in a while when i got enough and want to feel better right away, I tend to experiment with most dangerous drug cocktails i can find on the internet, but it doesn't work most of the time.
poster:swim
thread:1091216
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20160713/msgs/1091216.html