Posted by Tomatheus on February 13, 2015, at 17:47:24
In reply to Re: Depression vs. 'negative' psychotic symptoms » Tomatheus, posted by ed_uk2010 on February 13, 2015, at 16:03:53
Ed,
Thank you for taking the time to write everything that you did and for asking the questions that you asked. I made it through your post, which I would say means that something that I'm taking (probably the vitamin D3) is doing something at the moment for my concentration, although I will say that I didn't get through all of what you wrote on my first attempt. But anyway, your responses were very thoughtful, and I would say that your impressions as to what my symptoms represent seem to be basically on target. The more I think about my own symptoms, especially in light of what you and Chinaboy have written here on this thread, the more I lean toward the idea that I probably have some mixture of depressive and "negative" psychotic symptoms, with the depressive symptoms leading to the most impairment (especially when they're not responding at least reasonably well to treatment). I will say that over the course of the last few weeks that the severity of my problems with energy and concentration (which is how I prefer to describe my symptoms instead of using the "d" word that I think only describes how I'm feeling so well) has varied, after I went through a period of at least a month with mostly steady improvement, which I had attributed to the vitamin D3 that I've been taking. As I was telling Chinaboy, I think that I'm going to continue with my current treatment regimen for now, as I tend to think that the degree to which I'm going to be responsive to my current regimen is still evolving.
Now, on to your questions...
> Do you have anything to get out of bed for? Work, hobbies? Amotivation is common when there is little to get motivated about under the circumstances.
I'm not currently working. I think about volunteering a lot when I'm responsive to treatment and have on a few occasions decided that I'd volunteer by a certain point if my treatment response will continue up to that point. Unfortunately, it never does.
I don't have many hobbies, but reading is a big one for me, when I'm not struggling much with concentration. I probably spend most of my time reading when I'm able to do so, and I also have ambitions to write both fiction and nonfiction. So, I'm not without things that I want to do and without things that I am doing when my energy and concentration allow me to. I have things that I'm motivated to do, but I can't do them when my energy and concentration are as bad as they are when I'm not responsive to treatment. I know that saying what I just said isn't a popular thing to say, but I do think that there are enough posters on this board who can acknowledge that psychiatric illnesses and symptoms can sometime impair a person to the degree that they can't achieve many of the things they were once able to achieve. For me, when I'm not responsive to treatment, waking up at a time that most people would be happy with is one of those things. It doesn't matter how many alarms I set or how far away from my bed the alarm clocks are. I'll still just hit the "snooze" button and continue sleeping until my body decides it's time to wake up, regardless as to how many things I have to be motivated about. Do I *want* to keep pressing my alarm clock's "snooze" button in the mornings? Of course not, or I wouldn't have set the alarm in the first place.
> Would you say you mood is negative, or normal (you feel quite reasonable emotionally, most of the time, once out of bed)?
For the most part, I would say that my mood seems to be more or less than normal, which is why I said earlier that I dislike using the word "depression" to describe my problems with energy and concentration. Yes, I sometimes get discouraged, but that's *because* of the impairment that my symptoms cause, not the other way around. I think it's only natural for a person to feel like his life isn't amounting to much when he's not living up to what most would consider to be reasonable expectations due to functional impairment being experienced.
> What counts as goal-directed behaviour?
>
> Posting on here does, in my opinion. Your writing is exceptionally coherent, which can be the case in chronic depression, and when mild negative psychotic symptoms at present, but not in severe negative psychotic illness.Yes, I would agree with you that posting here counts as goal-directed behavior. If I had to evaluate myself, I would say that the quality of my written communications is superior to that of my verbal communications. Still, though, my ability to write here is sometimes impaired to at least a degree, even though that doesn't show itself when I'm responding at least somewhat favorably to treatment.
> Do you have any feelings of paranoia at all, or voices/hallucinations?
I hear sounds that others can't hear and also have thought-like voices that I usually describe as "pseudohallucinations," even with the Abilify that I take (which may not come as a surprise, given my low Abilify dose). I also experience ideas of reference and visual perceptual disturbances when I'm not taking an antipsychotic, but those are pretty close to being 100-percent under control with Abilify. I wouldn't say that I was delusional for the most part when I started taking antipsychotic medications, but in retrospect, I would say that I was highly delusional for at least several months and that those around me would have said (and did say) the same. I even believed that I was the second coming of Jesus Christ at one point, and it wasn't just a passing thought. I actually did very little posting here on Psycho-Babble during those months.
Tomatheus
Has long-standing difficulties with energy and concentration, as well as psychotic and cognitive symptoms
Taking Abilify & supplements including vitamins B3 & D3
poster:Tomatheus
thread:1076218
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20150129/msgs/1076558.html