Posted by Joe Rogan on October 21, 2014, at 16:55:23
In reply to Re: PLEASE HELP: Is there some kind of dopamine issue? » Joe Rogan, posted by phidippus on October 20, 2014, at 21:27:26
I previously stated I'm on Depakote ER 1000MG every night. Again, aside from my constant mental ruminitions that make my jaw move and are embarassing thoughts at times, and impulsive spattering of text/speech without careful tact and thought, along with my constant bingeing on sugary donuts and coffee - my reward system is toast. All I'm motivated to do is earn enough money to eat donuts and subsist on handouts. I have a glazed twist addiction. Same with coffee and my vapor pen. Yeah Nicotine from a real cig hits me really hard and makes my mind normal. It only works once, if I smoke again I get tolerance to that effect. Same with pre-tolerance adderall doses. Donuts coffee are my "crack", and I don't really care if donuts kill me-I'm a 31 year old loser, no car, can't pick up chicks (something wrong with my intimacy and deferred gratification), always striking out at job interviews, and can never afford anything. Psychologically distressing . All I want to do is wake up, scrape up $4-6, and buy a donut + a coffee. eat and rest or sit on my computer trying to build myself better into my full-time field of work.Also I want to try to figure out what is wrong with me and why I am not doing some form of under the table manual labor to temporarily support my gainful employment search. It seems I have this seething animosity for the fact that I would have to touch a shovel or paintbrush ever again after the efforts I've put into real steady gainful employment. A REAL JOB. I'd rather just give it all the finger and panhandle. I may end up back in jail and homeless. I can't seem to get a full time job in my field (no motivation usually means you won't be employed). Sometimes echoes of sentences or patterns ring through my mind. Sometimes embarassing or undesirable thoughts and patterns. This all became worse after stopping Venlafaxine in 2010. I thought maybe I don't need these drugs and stopped. The only reason I went on them is because I couldn't find gainful employment and I thought maybe there is something wrong with me. I wonder if it is like a Effexor discountinuation syndrome. I took it for 10 days then stopped. I wonder if it is better than desipramine? Should I get a desipramine increase? Seems like my life improved on 50MG. I'm also considering Wellbutrin. I also think Abilify and Paxil had something to do with all this too. I developed psychosomatic anxiety to try out benzos (never had them before) but the anxiety became real! Yeah something about the Abilify two-way dopamine blockade. Ever since taking benzos in 2009 I have had anxiety. I took abilify for about 4 days and couldn't handle the jittery legs feeling it gave me. Maybe I'll try it again and see if it returns my motivation to stack money without limits rather than stacking to comfort and retiring to my room for rest. The hunger is bad too.
That's why i wonder if this is one big reward-system deficiency or problem it renders me pretty helpless. Especially with no cash and the welfare medical system. I see a psych once a month.
poster:Joe Rogan
thread:1072355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20141017/msgs/1072650.html