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Re: Augmenting to Brintellix: Theory Based on a Study SLS

Posted by Chris O on April 17, 2014, at 12:16:20

In reply to Re: Augmenting to Brintellix: Theory Based on a Study, posted by SLS on April 17, 2014, at 0:06:43


Wow, thanks for that thoughtful bit of empathy. It's very helpful. Yes, I do feel like a broken man. I don't even feel like a man, to be honest. I am not able to be a "breadwinner" in any sense of the word, not even for myself. It's so pathetic. What's even more enraging is that women are still attracted to me, even at the ripe old age of 47. However, once they see my disorder, they generally flee flee flee. Unless they are more broken than me. And don't take responsibility for it. Or super controlling. Super super controlling. Like my mother was. And my wife is, to a degree. Because for controlling women, my issues work. Controlling women can completely manage me, even while they are simultaneously upset with my inability to provide. But if I provided, I would be making more of the financial and other decisions, and many controlling women cannot give up that aspect of control in their life. So, I suspect, if I ever do get better, my current relationship status would dissolve.

Personally, I don't think I've ever been well. My mother was/is a real piece of work--simultaneously overbearing and incredibly broken, completely codependent but never owning any of her damage. Very comfortable relegating all of my issues to something biological. Always asking what drug I am taking. I am getting better and telling her less and less about my life, but I am still so broken and she was basically the only person I had as a (terrible) means of support growing up. I really just wish one of these meds or combination of meds would make me feel good enough to break this bond for good. Essentially, I feel that my condition, while biological, is her "fault." (And my dad's, for not protecting me from her.) But no one in my family seems to own any of this. I figured out long ago that my only means of "escape" was making myself better. I just wish I could make myself better!

I tried prasozin for a couple of weeks before this latest Brintellix trial. It didn't seem to do much of anything for me. A little anxiety relief, but nothing much. I will probably try nortrityline or Nardil if Brintellix does not give me more relief. Or maybe I'll augment Brintellix with something like Wellbutrin to see what happens. I'm talking to my p-doc today.

I hope you can indeed, repair yourself, at some point. I understand what you're saying about needing an extended period of time of feeling "well" to do this. Without that extended period, I got lost inside, lost in projecting my anxiety and depression onto the outside world. It's truly torturous. It's even more torturous that so few people understand it, and fewer people (or substances) can do anything about it.

Your posts are always very helpful. I really appreciate your insights and sharing. Here's hoping for brighter days ahead. Always hoping.





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