Posted by merpmerp on March 15, 2014, at 18:02:39
In reply to Re: Another step on the Lexapro journey » merpmerp, posted by phidippus on March 14, 2014, at 18:34:13
I had to think for a while how to respond to your post. Several years ago, I would have agreed with you. I used to scold my brother for taking doses of meds that I believed were too low to be effective.
You said you're working on a master's in neuropsych. I have a master's in science, too, and have gone on to launch a career in science. Therefore, I have become used to looking at what the evidence is telling me, even if it goes against what I expected.
I originally began to take antidepressants (Prozac at first, twice; helped the first time but not the second) for the following symptoms:
Anhedonia
Insomnia
Self hatred
Extreme anger
Suicidal thoughts (vague, unfocused, more escape fantasies like "God I wish I wouldn't wake up tomorrow")You can argue that with the anhedonia, I should not have been given an ssri, but that's not what happened and we can't change history.
In 2009 I was put on what I believe to be too high a dosage of Lexapro for me, despite being the recommended 10 mg. I was to bounce between 5-10 mg, with my doctor's supervision, for the next year and a half.
I experienced:
Extreme lethargy - sleep 10 hrs+ a night and still need a multi hour nap
Complete lack of focus/zero short term memory - a problem in grad school
The first panic attacks I'd ever had in my life - anxiety had never been a big issue with me
Unbelievable restlessness
Extreme diarrhea
The worst- incredibly violent intrusive thoughts aimed at me, my pets, my loved ones and everyone around. These bombarded me for literally every second of every day. I had never experienced anything like that in my life.My doctor believed, of course, that I was worsening. She gave me klonopin, and wanted to put me on beta blockers and Ritalin in addition.
I scoured books and the net for info, as much as I could focus in my state. I very gradually began to suspect my med. I had always just blindly trusted my doctor.
It was here, on Babble, that I got the support I needed to cut my dosage, even against my doctor's advice. I went to 2.5 mg brand name Lexapro.
Within a week, I was feeling better. Within a month, I could tell I was me again. The twitches, diarrhea, panic, and violent thoughts melted away as if by magic. I didn't need to sleep all the time anymore.
I remained well for three years.
Three. Years.
That is the longest I've been stable since my first episode of depression at age 14.
During that time, I finished school and moved cross country, got a job, had my mom attempt suicide and then die unexpectedly (not from suicide), and yet I remained well in spite of this. Not once did I become clinically depressed, and neither did the med side effects return. I paid attention when they switched me to generic, but I remained well.
Until my generic brand changed just now, which coincides with the return of the second group of symptoms. Not the first group. The second.
The evidence is telling me something.
But you don't have to take my word for it. I have an appointment with my doc in a week and a half (could not get in earlier). I will ask about going on the brand name again, because it did work for me before. If it doesn't... I'll try something else.
I'm not scared anymore, since I found that they switched my generic manufacturer. I feel that that is the issue, and if not, I feel confident that I can figure out something that will work for me, as I did before.
I will post updates periodically. It helps me to have a written record of how I felt so I know where I've been.
Diagnosis: recurrent melancholic depression
Meds: Lexapro since Spt. 2009; currently on 2.5 mg plus occasional l-tyrosine.
poster:merpmerp
thread:1062452
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140307/msgs/1062577.html