Posted by b2chica on March 7, 2014, at 13:12:56
Hi All..
i've been a little sporatic with my posting, and not always following up.
So for the last three weeks i've been fighting dangerously high anxiety. i say dangerous since as my old pdoc found out, if we get to it right away its fine, if we don't tend to it immediately i end up with either some kind of psychotic depression or a mixed episode (which is definitely where i've been at the last two days.My go to med in this case has always been zyprexa. well since i ended up in hospital last night i got an idea that i ll tell next post.
so let me review.***TRIGGER***
So last friday i went into a fit in the evening so bad that i wanted to not just kill myself but violently mutilate myself in the process...
i knew i couldn't act so instead i took a non-safe amount and mixture of medication, not to kill but to basically silence myself and my head. i was lucky that i didn't harm myself in the process, but was not exactly in a good state of mind .anyway, haloperidol was one of the meds. so monday i reported to new pdoc that i had tried haldol for 3-4 but had to stop due to SE
Tuesday saw T, and she saw me in a state she's not used to. very high agitation/anger/physical and mental state altered. she has been trying to contact my pdoc to no avail.
After that i took my med list (of what i've been on) i also notified staff i NEED INTERVENTION asap.
i had been requesting ativan at min..**********
Wednesday pdoc finally called back and said to do .5 haldol... this sent me into a rage that i could not control... i left work. and was screaming in my car and continued to be obsessive on WHY she would rx haldol when Just the previous week i tried it and it didn't do anything. at this point i was not homicidal or suicidal. but was Very F-ing angry!! i went to church for ash wed and all i could do was think angry thoughts and as of two days previous was starting to get visual illusions about death, dying, violent ways and those were intruding. so i left and went downstairs and called T, left voice message. ended up verbally abuse her voice mail (which i txt'd her and told her that)...she was fine with that.
feeling HORRIBLE and just trudged on with gabapentin, haldol and hydroxozine hcl. until i went to sleep (which was about 12:30 -ishYESTERDAY
so first thing in the morning once again the anxiety started BEFORE i even took my adderall (which pdoc doesn't seem to understand) but i digress. Luckily i had another appt with T. i was in a bad state when i got to her.
after talking she really wanted me to do hospital. if not for kiddos i would have. so she suggested something and i let her check into it.
she called the hospital, asked if a person with extreme anxiety, agitation that was not homicidal nor suicidal could come in to get the physiology under control without staying overnight.
The response was yes. i got the triage's nurses' name and went.*************************
GOOD IDEA
Long story short..
So i got to ER, was admitted Finally and about hour later they gave me 5mg zyprexa, 1mg ativan. that didn't work, hour later they gave me 50mg hydrazine HCL (like i've been on) and yes, still like placebo.
an hour later they gave me shot. Finally about 30-60min later hour better.
my body Finally slowed down (by this point i was exhausted), and got a little loopy but i wanted to leave. so after i showed that i ws better, i left.**********************
So this Gave me a Great idea this morning of what to try next....
ill explain what in a separate post ...Thank you for reading this...
b2c."What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1061990
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140307/msgs/1061990.html