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Thought I'd found the holy grail

Posted by Tabitha on October 28, 2012, at 2:14:35

I've been unmedicated for years. Cancer treatment destabilized me enough to find a pdoc and go on meds again. He put me on lamictal and I felt like a new person, a fully functional and pretty happy person. Such relief, and realized how much of a struggle it's been dealing with so much depression and anxiety for so long.

I asked if poop-out is typical on this and he said no. But I'm back in the pit again the past couple days. Seems like nothing is working. He also put me on effexor for horrendous hot flashes and ambien for insomnia. Effexor seems to have pooped out as well.

The ambien was supposed to be better than the ativan I was using for sleep, but it's not working at all. I lie there kind of semi-sedated for a few hours but don't sleep. Then it wears off and my mind starts going and I don't sleep until dawn.

I'm so sick of feeling bad inside and having no escape from it. And I'm extra super sick of feeling better for a while and thinking I've found some fix, and then going back into the pit. When I'm in the pit it feels like it's forever, despite me trying to talk myself out of that belief.

Right now I think depression is worse than cancer.

 

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poster:Tabitha thread:1030035
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