Posted by b2chica on October 10, 2012, at 14:36:43
now i know what my pdoc said when he told me he thought my symptoms were part of my personality disorder...i am hopelessly and textbook example of neurotic pd! so i'm chasing my tail right now on what to do and not seem like an impatient tweek.
my current reg is:
pristiq 100mg; adderall 20mg am, 10mg noon 10mg 4pm; perphenazine 2mg 2:00, 6mg 6pm; zyprexa 5mg 6pm, gabapentin 300mg 11am, 2pm, 4pm, bedtime. xanax prnyesterday was DEFINATELY a hypomanic day in every sense of the word. i got crazy amount done at work. was on the ball, almost running from one room to the next, i actually spoke up at one of our meetings that i hardly EVER say anything. and i was quite intuitive to the conversation. i had many things going at once but got them all done. but also did some shopping at a craft store, went home and started yet ANOTHER craft.(did get it mostly done).
today i started to feel the same so i took my perphenazine a little early, also already had three gabapentins only 2:15 now.
i'm listening to my headphones to drown out some of my head noise. have a lot of cognitive stuff going on today. not so much OUTSIDE energy as INSIDE (my head), also have had mild visual illusions (black eels and bugs from corner of my eye and cables moving etc., and 2 or 3 auditory illusions.not sure what to do at this point....suggestions?
my major concern is this is the second day where i have fleeting dark thoughts. and EVEN the IDEA of having a dark episode with THIS kind of energy scares the crap outta me. I mean it seems that now that i have decided that suicide is NOT an option as my little ones need my guidance and love through their lives, it seems now my ability to act on S. urges is close to scary strong.
please note i am Not suicidal. just scared the possibility is more real now than ever IF my thoughts go dark while i have this urge, energy, strength behind me.
lets just say i'm praying alot these days...just incase.*******************
1. i think pristiq at 100 is really causing a lot of this especially since its not going away. do i go back down? then i'd need to augment with something like desipramine?
2. had severe dissociative episode after taking 4 gabapentins by 4pm yesterday. that seems to provoke my episodes. or 'enhances' my ability to dissociate.3. oh ya and i cancelled appt with pdoc yesterday. (stupid i know)
-called T to make appt., then i changed my mind and said why and no thank you.
-decided this is a pdoc thing. but now i have no pdoc appt...
4. given issues today AND i'm taking prescribed doses as needed. not sure what to change.-is zyprexa not working?
-Pristiq lower?
-stop gabapentin again?
-lessen adderall more?-give it all up and start drinking heavily... :(
"What is madness, but nobility of soul at odds with circumstance.
The day is on Fire, and i know the purity of pure despair."
Theodore Roethke
poster:b2chica
thread:1028290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20121009/msgs/1028290.html