Posted by g_g_g_unit on June 20, 2012, at 8:47:42
In reply to Re: Parnate dosing schedule » g_g_g_unit, posted by SLS on June 20, 2012, at 1:44:42
Thanks for your empathetic response, Scott. I suppose the fact that I have OCD makes me even more susceptible to obsessing over side-effects.
Right now, my problem isn't so much that I inhabit the Hell of depression. Granted, there is the aforementioned OCD, which is its own kind of hell; but at the moment I generally find myself stuck in a state of perpetual boredom where I am not profoundly depressed, but either too apathetic or lacking in the necessary cognitive abilities to do the stuff I'd like to do. So I try to kill time as best I can, but being stuck at home, with few friends, not very much money, etc. is just demoralizing. Plus, it's kind of a double-bind because OCD forces me to feel guilty regardless of what I'm doing (if I watch TV, I feel like I should be working on my OCD; if I try to work on my OCD, I realize it's too difficult without a therapist etc. etc.).
Given my slow titration, I actually realized I've been on Parnate for over 4 months. But since I've only been on a therapeutic dose for just under two weeks, I can't make a judgement at this point, so I'll take your advice and try to defer worrying for another week and a half.
I still have to consider what I'll do about my ADHD. Being free of depression and anxiety is great, but if I can't concentrate on anything, it just leaves me stuck in limbo. As I've said before, nobody in my state is going to prescribe amphetamine with Parnate. So that is a valid concern. Anyway, I'll stick with the Parnate for now and try to take one day at a time.
I hope you find the remission you're looking for, Scott. I'm by no means a Buddhist, but I've been reading a Buddhist-derived book on suffering (which I'd recommend to anyone on this board, by the way) called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. Given your condition, I can see how it might be easy for you to fall into bitterness and jealousy over others' remission or good health. But, without wanting to sound cheesy, you embody a selfnessness and lack of ego in your attitude to others which is noble; in other words, by Buddhist contentions, you are truly Wise and your support means a lot to me.
I hope you get what you want. Cars and women doesn't sound like a bad place to start.
> Whenever I start a new drug, I usually defer thinking about my ultimate response to it for a few weeks. I know that it will take at least that long for it to work, so I try to put it out of my mind and go about my business. However, when I enter the third week and nothing happens, I begin to think about what to do next. I don't have very much patience at this point, especially if the depression is particularly painful.
>
> Many of us are so focused on reaching our goal, it occupies much of our waking hours thinking about how to achieve it. The quality of our lives remains so poor in the meantime, that our pain and cognitive dysfunction are always right in our faces. It is hard not to think about it. There is no escape from misery without finding a successful treatment.
>
> GGG, you are in a position where effects are pummeling you 24/7. How can you not focus on your treatment so intently?
>
> I told my doctor that, at this point, I only want to learn the minimum necessary to get well and continue my journey through life. I lost my passion for neuroscience and psychiatry a long time ago. Once I have achieved the goal, I can begin thinking about other things. My doctor noted that it is perfectly understandable that a person in my position be motivated and driven to reach the goal of remission to a point where it looks very much like obsession. Is it obsession to focus your attention on nothing else when your hand is being held over a flame?
>
> There must be balance. Obsessing over illnesses and treatments every moment of every day takes away from one's ability to live in the moment and extract as much positive experience and personal growth as the illness will allow for. Of course, the more severe the depression, the less there is to work with. Many people have no capacity to experience anything beyond their depression. For them, there is nothing left but emptiness and in constant pain. There is no other moment to live in. Life is a prison, and each moment is Hell.
>
> The moment I achieve my goal of responding adequately to treatment is the moment I take my first step away from psychopharmacology and toward the building of a new life with my focus on positive, constructive, rewarding, and fun things. I think I'll sell some cars and resume my study of women.
>
>
> - Scott
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:1019808
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120608/msgs/1019965.html