Posted by zonked on October 14, 2011, at 2:52:54
Hi all.
Cluster of bad news lately: My mom's (now former) oncologist was incompetent. We were told there was "nothing to treat", then at the consult at the #1 brain tumor hospital in the state today, we were told that it had grown aggressively in a short period of time.
Also, I bombed my last interview. It's been so long since I've worked that things listed on my resume no longer belong there. I have to re-write it; or somehow re-learn what's been lost without taking a class (I have a hard deadline for re-employment due to financial reasons.)
A big zonked fault: Depressed or not, and likely because I've been depressed so much, I'm terrified to return home later this morning (it's 12:42AM here). I know me. I'll hit the bed.
So illogical. I am now terrified of losing my closest family member quicker than anyone thought; and homelessness if I can't secure a job by the end of the year.
Pills don't cure these things; at least, if they help, I am not on the right ones. (Half joking.)
I have lost or let stagnate so many friendships due to MDD, I don't have really anyone in my life besides my Mom, who's working tomorrow, my Dad, who's doing the same, and my best friend, also working tomorrow.
This is where I wonder if I have something in Axis II that developed due to years of depression, I want to bury my head in the sand even though I know, logically, avoidance and oversleeping make things worse and increase my guilt.
I suppose if I had money to spend, I might do that instead. The challenge of enduring the most stress I can remember having at once while slowly emerging from depression is the biggest one I can remember having.
Maybe I'll book a massage. I had a tiny bit of extra income this week. Whenever anyone's touched my back or shoulders I usually get a shocked response.. "your back is like concrete" is the one I remember most. I carry my stress in my back and shoulders.
Sorry this is rambling. When it rains, it pours.
poster:zonked
thread:999680
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20111006/msgs/999680.html