Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 2, 2011, at 14:47:46
My doctor is an addiction specialist doctor. And alot of the resources that I used to have are not used anymore like benzodiapines and stimulants. I suffer everyday because of the choices that I made of abusing presciption drugs and then being exposed to the public about it. I tell ya, its humilating to confess to people that I am an addict. And most of my drugs where given to me throught professional doctors. I have anxiety during the day and the only close thing I can do to get a drug is go to an NA meeting. I go to NA meetings everyday and live the 12 stepprogram. The reason I don't post to babble much as I did is because I feel helpless in my sitaution that I can't ever find doctor that will compasionatly treat me. I used to, but no longer because I abused and wasted all that I had when I should of considered what the outcomes would be for the future. Much of my addiction controls my life and my thoughts of using. BUT i must admit that I am powerless over my addiction and my lif has become unmanagable which it has and always has been. I want to say to you that there is hope in these times of suffering with me. Havingfaith and believing someday will be better will come evnetaully. Suffering is a human condition and you can't fight it.
Moving on. The plan that I have is to move out and get my own doctor that will prescibe what I want. But sooner or later i always know that my addiction will kill me. I have seen people die taking to many narcotics. Actually there was a poster here that took barbituates. benzos, amphetamines and he died. And that just goes to show you what addiction will do when it is maniested in its fullest potential. It will kill you. It's a illness. That's why its very hard to not think of drugs when times are tough. But your life is more valbable. So the best thing I can do is suffer each day knowing I have the gift of living over death. And I cherish that.
Logging out...I love you all.
Matt
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:992604
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110728/msgs/992604.html