Posted by g_g_g_unit on May 18, 2011, at 8:43:31
Hey .. so I've been having some OCD-like concerns about my condition and its management, which have been interfering with my ability to pursue employment, and I was just wondering if anyone could offer some advice.
I've mentioned on here before that my family immigrated just over a year ago, and I've been unable to find a job during that period. I don't qualify for disability either until I've lived here at least another year. In our prior country-of-residence, I was working 9 hours a week - even while severely depressed - but found that since I had formed most of my relationships with my coworkers while relatively 'well', they were less attuned to the sudden decline in my sociability. It was a customer service role, and I found that I could perform the basics of my job without difficulty - i.e. affect a polite manner, etc. - but spontaneous interaction became extremely difficult.
Prior to that job, I had always worked part-time, ever since being struck down by OCD at the age of 18. There was a period where I was freelance writing from home as well, but I eventually had to give that up.
Unfortunately, my condition has deteriorated even further since immigrating, and I've found that symptoms like psychomotor retardation have become much more prominent. In fact, I spent a considerable portion of last year lazing around in bed. My social skills were even worse as a result of the decline in mental/physical energy, i.e. I sometimes struggled to project my voice, would go 'blank' even during routine phone conversations, etc.
On top of that, I was/am still battling OCD and severe anxiety.
Up until this point, my parents have only had a very superficial understanding of my condition, and have been pressuring me to find work, claiming that I'm just tired because "I'm out of shape" (despite the fact that I would routinely swim 1km most days before major depression). I received poor treatment during that first year - I was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, etc. which further jeopardized things. I'm seeing a much better psychiatrist now, and am also in therapy for OCD, but even then, things are still difficult. I tried having a meeting with my psychiatrist and parents, but he never really went into the OCD, and I've found myself now having to write a letter which I plan to give to them explaining exactly how it manifests.
Anyway, I've found that I have these (potential) misconceptions about medication, which are preventing me from applying for a suitable job. For example, I'll think (in an OCD sense) that I could end up on an anti-psychotic for anxiety (which I suppose isn't completely unrealistic at this point) and will be so emotionally and mentally numb/sedated that people will think I'm a freak - and therefore will refrain from applying from any customer service positions out of fear.
Because I'm not capable of labor etc., ruling out any job where I interact with people doesn't leave very much. I've been looking at disabled-employment agencies, but they seem to primarily cater to intellectual disabilities. I went to one group meeting and - without wanting to offend anyone - found it really depressing, simply because most of the people there were afflicted with things like mental retardation, etc., and I feel like I'm more high-functioning than that.
So I would appreciate hearing:
a) whether I am indeed catastrophising, as I suspect, my appraisal of treatment with anti-psychotics, and whether it would still be possible to work in mainstream society while taking one (sorry if that sounds ridiculous, but that's the nature of OCD, I suppose)?
and b) whether it wouldn't be such a bad idea to push myself into some kind of part-time work at the moment? I am taking just 25mg of Zoloft, which has eliminated the worst of my fatigue, though I'm having some mixed-type symptoms and don't suspect I'll be kept on it. But my point is that my depression does seem to respond to treatment, and I am seeing a psychiatrist, so it's not like I'd be left hanging.. but then again, I do have this unfortunate habit of never knowing when to back off and stop stressing myself, so I donno.
option c) would be to pursue work at some kind of disability center until I'm more stabilized, though (again, please don't take offense to this) I wonder how it might affect my self-confidence.
Thanks, and sorry this was so long!
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:985614
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110515/msgs/985614.html