Posted by metazoan on January 4, 2011, at 13:50:55
In reply to Re: Long Term SSRI Use Has Destabilzed Me, posted by NewQuestions on February 5, 2009, at 17:08:08
Very nice post. I've kept a similar journal and ... I started with medication (SSRIs) in the beginning of the summer 1995. I'm currently struggling with trying to determine if my side efffects are psychosomatic (where my relationship with medication is the primary determinant for side effects) or due to the medication.
Initially, for treatment of OCD, panic disorder, and depression, I accepted Zoloft (100mg) and engaged in therapy and spiritual (Zen, A Course in Miracles) mind training and did very well: I sky-rocketed in my career (software engineer), met my future wife, etc. When I let the non-medication tools go, I started to worry about medication because obsession over cognitive functioning has always been an OCD form of mine. I read anti-medication books and articles from well-credentialled and well-educated doctors and ... began to develop a very negative perception of medication. I then weaned myself off Zoloft and ... have had a negative relationship with medication since. I've tried (half-heartedly and, in many cases, not fully-compliant) various protocols (both mind-body/breath practices and nutrients/supplements) that have clinical research backing up their efficacy for panic disorder, depression, and OCD and ... came up short. I then tried different medications (SSRIs and SNRIs) and ... ultimately experienced horrible 'side effects' on all of them. However, when I was experiencing what seemed like very bad cognitive effects on a second trial of Zoloft, I was able to do very difficult computer graphing algorithms and I was lightning-fast in development of difficult algorithms and various complexities with software development. But ... I ultimately went off it to see if other meds were better in terms of my other side effects. I tried to ramp up on Lexapro a few times. Each time, I would experience horrible cognitive side effects at even really low doses such as 2.5 mg. When the panic disorder became too difficult for me, I took sick leave from work (work is one of my major triggers) and ... ramped up to 20 mg in a short time period without any side effects (!). Because I had previously been unable to even tolerate 2.5 mg, I thought that the side effects were largely due to my mind -- and I remember a research psychologist telling me a story about a patient in a double-blind/placebo-control study that had a horrible reaction to medication (nasty side effects) and it ultimately turned out that she was on the placebo. Despite these 'realizations', when I went back to work, I started to feel the cognitive issues and ... didn't think they were psychosomatic but, instead, related to the medication (15mg Lexapro). I'm now at a point where I don't know what to do -- were it not for the panic disorder, I would try to use the non-medication protocols (including exercise, diet, daily mindfulness, and some of the clinically-backed vitaming and herbal agents). The panic disorder, however, is very disabling so .... I stay on it.
BTW, I've been on/off SSRIs for 15 years and ... I've never experienced long-term issues with them. Any side effects - whether psychosomatic or due to the med - went away after I stopped take the med ... note that you also have to wean off slowly and allow for receptor adjustment to avoid wrongly concluding that discontinuation symptoms are permanent effects of medication intake. Of course, this is my experience and ... your mileage may vary :).
poster:metazoan
thread:874312
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101231/msgs/975817.html