Posted by Chan Fook on November 3, 2010, at 19:02:23
Hello Psycho-Babble,
I am here because I think I need help. Maybe a doctor can help me, maybe others suffering from anxiety or depression can lead me in the right direction, but either way, I need to sort my life out, to put it bluntly.
I have three key addictions, none of them substances. All of them classed as Behavioral. These are Sex (both with another and with myself), Porn and Computer usage. And then there's my anxiety, performance related anxiety (especially sexual, ironically enough) and possibly general anxiety.
Let me start with my addictions. Unfortunately due to an early awareness of computers and my body, it wasn't long (probably 8/9) before I started two out of three of my current addictions (sex with myself was about 11). It's seemed to be a routine, and until I became sexually active I didn't really see anything wrong with what I was doing, maybe I wasn't so active socially because I wanted to feed my addictions, but other than that I cannot see anything else wrong.
But sex was the one thing that really hit the nail on the head as it were. I'm sitting there with thoughts racing through my head "get an erection, get one now, she'll be displeased" etc. etc. and what happened as a result? Nothing. Flaccid. Weiner. Luckily I have an amazing girlfriend that I cherish, and she brushed it off, and in the end, when I was not required to perform in the heat of the moment, I got an erection naturally! However, don't take this so easily. My addiction for porn and sex eats away at our relationship every sexual encounter as I look of ways to feed my addiction rather than make love to my girlfriend.
Now, I've tried my best to become free of my addictions, but I have the knowledge of breaking through parental controls on a computer for example, and I use a computer daily for university, so what can I do? Imagine you are an alcoholic (not to be prejudice, but I'm making an addiction comparison, sorry if it's offensive) and you are working, and on your desk near your mouse, every second of your day at work, is a bottle of whiskey. How do you not pick it up? I've survived about 7 days since 11 years old of abstinence from all three, and it's about time I cut this out (I'm in my twenties for those interested).
Anyway enough of that babble, now onto the anxiety. Now, as mentioned earlier in my sex scenario, it shows my sexual performance anxiety. I have a theory, and now obviously this can be proven wrong and is just a hunch, but I think that my anxiety is directly linked to my addiction. And really anxiety seems to be in everything, apart from exams for some reason I seem to like the pressure there.
Well now this is what it all comes down to, how can I get myself treated? I've striked out SSRI's from the list, because my anxiety of knowing I can be at risk of sexual dysfunction will probably worry me to destruction. Now that leaves, from my weak research, beta-blockers and benzos.
This is when I turn to you, humble readers of this board. What can I do? Do I need to say anything else from my life to make it clearer of what the right steps need to be taken?
Thank you so much in advance for any response. I know it's a huge read and if anyone reads it nevermind responds, I will be so grateful as my voice has been heard (I've never told anyone so openly about this other than my girlfriend).
poster:Chan Fook
thread:968257
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101030/msgs/968257.html