Posted by g_g_g_unit on October 28, 2010, at 19:09:56
In reply to A Mind More Sane » g_g_g_unit, posted by Brainbeard on October 28, 2010, at 15:13:15
Sure, I'm in a similar boat to you. I used to be highly ambitious and driven by my compulsions, though I think that continuing in that fashion was completely untenable. I fought to stay off meds as long as humanly possible, but in the end, it just wans't worth it anymore. I'm thankful I accomplished *some* of what I set out to before this point, so it's difficult to completely drown myself in regret.
Anyway, I'm not averse to the experience of fear/anxiety, but as long as it's combined with positive affect (which leads to intermittent bursts of pleasure, excitement, etc.). What I was experiencing was more in the realm of unrelenting panic, and was lasting for weeks at a time. I think it was triggered by immigration, but I'm not sure. So you believe it's NE-related? Neurontin helped, but caused too much sedation.
If I ever get my hands on stimulants, I'll let you know. Meanwhile, in a fit of desperation, my (ex?)therapist and (ex)psychiatrist have diagnosed me as schizophrenic! They claim my body dysmorphic symptoms count as (positive) delusions, and that my lack of motivation and concentration difficulties are negative symptoms! My depression-related fatigue is actually schizophrenic catatonia! I also touch my face when I'm anxious while being stared at during conversation, and this is again supposedly a schizophrenic trait!!
My GP think it's a joke, and is referring me to a neurodevelopmental psych for a second opinion on ADHD.
> I am really sorry to hear that. I wonder if there were any other factors working towards your noradrenergic fear trip.
>
> However, the quest for a mind more sane continues. Meanwhile, responsible insanity provides a welcome break every now and then. Personally, I detest depression more than fear.
>
> My fears, after all, have gotten me as far as I've got now - if Paxil hadn't killed my compulsions, I might have been a lot closer to realizing my dreams. Compulsions show at least an endeavour to recollect the pieces of the perfect object and put them back together. Having had my brain soaked in paroxetine for a couple of years has done severe damage to both compulsions and ambitions, both of which are, let's not forget it, dopamine driven.
> Serotonergic obsessions alone lead nowhere. It's better to do insane things than to merely be insane, which will only lead to paralysis.
>
> Please let us know all about your upcoming experiences with stimulants!
poster:g_g_g_unit
thread:964485
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101020/msgs/967321.html