Posted by Josh BRu on September 9, 2010, at 9:44:34 [reposted on October 1, 2010, at 16:26:23 | original URL]
Hi everyone. My name is Josh and I just stumbled upon this site. I have never registered, or stayed active, in any online thread or message-board before, but think this may really be a huge find in my pathway to getting mentally well.
I am 22 years old now and the last 10 years my life has been a living hell. I had my first panic attack when i was 11 years old. I saw psychiatrist after psychiatrist and my parent's tried and did everything they knew to do. I never got any relief from the daily panic attacks and constant physical & mental anxiety until I changed to a new Dr., at the age of 19, and was introduced to benzodiazepines. I was tried on a low dose of klonopin which changed my life. The dosage was upped to adjust to my personal need and tolerance. This blew my mind bc at the right dose it took away something that nobody could, even "God", and made me feel normal for what felt like the first time ever.
Up until this discovery I had self medicated daily with recreational drugs. I never stopped smoking cannabis since I discovered it, at age 16, and over the next 3 years used and self medicated with stimulants, opiates, psilocybin mushrooms, LSD, etc. not dropping them after finding and also overusing my benzo's.
Long story short(er)... I ravaged my brain and body, through self medicating, all the way up until very recently. Although I found something to cover up alot of anxiety, I found only new problems like depression, no motivation, trouble finishing school, and so on... Only a couple months ago did I confide in my mom about how I was molested almost 13 years ago, never telling anyone. I never thought telling anyone would bring relief or that the event even had anything to do with my illness. Everything immediately changed, I had Dr.'s telling me that my symptoms (with that knowledge) clearly presented PTSD and that there was treatment and it can even be cured. I chose to try the EMDR method and have been to 4 sessions now. Everything is still in chaos but a ray of hope shines through and everything feels like I am doing the right things (when it comes to therapy and my lifestyle) for the first time ever.
This diagnosis came only in the last 2 months so it's taking time to work on meds:
Once a day:
Luvox 150 mg
Lamictal 200 mg
Vyvanse 50 mg
Atenolol 25 mg
----------------------------
Klonopin 1mg (written 3 X a day, usually taken 2-3 mg in single dose daily)Sorry for, what seemed like, my life story. I just hope that anyone who reads my post, and has gone through a similar struggle, can give me anything... Advice, tips, do's/dont's, or just how you can relate through your journey is all appreciated. Thank's to all of you who keep something like this running for someone like me to wander across.
<font face="Script" size="22" color="darkblue">William J. Bruton</font>
poster:Josh BRu
thread:964406
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100926/msgs/964406.html