Posted by ed_uk2010 on September 19, 2010, at 7:59:47
In reply to Re: Suicidal thoughts and Prozac, posted by linkadge on September 19, 2010, at 7:22:39
Life never feels magical to me anymore. It feels quite flat and dull most of the time, but OK. I do feel like I must be missing out on something, probably a lot. No idea what to do.
> Theres probably some serotonin receptor which activates suicidality.
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> The brain has all sorts of *opposite* emotions. For me, suicidality is the opposite to being in love with life.
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> You know, that obsessive feeling where life is so magical and meaningful. Then the SSRI comes in and puts all that love to an abrupt halt. This might be part of the anti-OCD effect. The ability of the drugs to shut off the obsession with living.
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> Granted, that "obsession with life" can be very confusing and complex at times.
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> Kind of like being passionately in love with somebody. SSRIs are known to make people abruptly fall out of love with eachother; to cause that love obsession to quickly cease.
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> To truely not be obsessed with something, you have to hate it to a certain degree. This is what the SSRI does; comes in and makes you hate life to a certain degree. Granted, this can be a good thing, sometimes.
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> When I took SSRIs, it was like life had no depth, no deep value. All of a sudden, much of the magic was gone. I think the suicidality came in about the same time I could no longer feel that, just like I could no longer feel beauty in Beethoven.
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> It was a feeling of discust, I guess. Sure the drugs ultimately made me less sappy and emotional, but all of a sudden I was numb to being alive. It was that discusted, numb feeling that made me suicidal.
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> Like somebody coming in and tearing some beautiful artwork that you've spent a long time creating. It just makes you angry and bitter and callous.
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> The suicidality is almost like a protective coping mechanism kicking in. Its like "I can't feel anything, I don't care about life and I can take my life any time I please".
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> Same thing like with SSRIs and relationships "I don't feel love for you, I don't care about love and I can leave any time I please".
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> Boosting serotonin makes you feel that you are "in control". In control of your emotions, in control of your life.
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> I also think, that the suicidality comes in when control clashes with lack of control. Perhaps you feel trapped in a job (or other aspect of life), the SSRI tries to force your brain to reframe the situaion wherein you are in control. If that means using suicidality to feel in control, then so be it.
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> my 2 cents.
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> Linkadge
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poster:ed_uk2010
thread:962166
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100917/msgs/962998.html