Posted by violette on August 28, 2010, at 20:29:54
In reply to Re: released » violette, posted by Maxime on August 28, 2010, at 19:45:50
"I keep thinking about it and thinking about it and I really don't know what I could have done to be fired. I have never been fired from a job, let alone after 1 week!!!"
You don't seem to be feeling anger at the person who fired you-you seem to be internalizing it instead. It's easier said than done, but when you get in that ocd pattern-but have consistently directed anger against yourself since a young age for various reason-there is an unconscious inner conflict and the thought cycle does not 'stop'. It is circular, but due to the inner conflict, there is no outlet but anger (the outlet can be differnet, but in your case, it appears to be anger) The only way to stop the cycle it is to get angry at them and not you. When your inner conflict is too constricted, the circular thought has 'nowwhere to go' unless you end it-from what you describe, it has to end with anger.
"I know I not thinking straight but I don't know how to correct it."
Likely because you are renumerating-same concept as above. you need to redirect the anger away from you.
I don't have supportive family either, never did. It sucks. You don't need them anyway. You seem to have survival skills and you are very intelligent. I'm glad calling the crisis center brougth you some relief. I've done self-loathing before too. It sucks. I know.
"LOSER. WORTHLESS. BURDEN. PARASITE OF SOCIETY"
That is your superego overriding your sense of self (ego). i don't know if they teach you that in DBT. I think you can get some relief if you become angry at the retail manager, redirecting it away from yourself. Sorry to be so direct or repetitive, as i don't know how this would come across to you. However, I learned this to be true, frequent, and common with people with harsh superegos. It is not something unique to me and it really does work if you are able to redirect the anger within. I think you can do this.
poster:violette
thread:958963
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100821/msgs/960369.html