Posted by maya3 on July 28, 2010, at 15:31:57
In reply to Re: sound familiar? » maya3, posted by violette on July 28, 2010, at 11:20:32
Violette, thank you for your encouragement and support. You are a very sensitive, kind and empathetic person. I found the links you sent me very helpful.The problem with finding a T is that where I live (not in the U.S.), the records tend to follow you around, so it is not easy to prevent automatic conclusions based on other Ts' assumptions or experience. I have even considered using a fictitious name.
It is true that Ts' personal issues can affect their judgement and willingness to accept certain patients for treatment. It is possible that some have perceived my behavor to be characteristic of borderline personality disorder. That could explain why one particular T constantly made insensitive and undermining remarks using an angry tone of voice. He dismissed my uneasiness as "manipulation" and "emotional blackmail". I began to see myself as he portrayed me and this eventually lead me to see suicide as my only option.
I did not experience childhood traumas of any kind. There are, however, periods of time I have repressed. I remember myself thinking as a little kid about how glad I was about having almost completely succeeded in blocking out certain periods. A while later I noticed no longer having access to them. It is clear to me that my genetic sensitivity and weaknesses were responsible for my being overwhelmed by things people usually take for granted. However, I suspect that this may have resulted in problems such as emotional blocks and flooding .
It is not possible to mention this to any T, as the expected reaction would be too much for me to handle. They see me as a psychotic, disturbed, manipulative and dysfunctonal person who should be concentrating on behavioral change only. I understand that, and they have a point. But constantly being unable to bring up issues that confuse and upset me due to knowing that the response would be unbearable is driving me crazy.I am glad to hear that you have finally found the right T. Your point was clear, by the way, and did not seem to imply that finding a T usually takes 10 years.
May I ask what you suffer from (only if you feel comfortable replying).
Hugs to you too!
poster:maya3
thread:955138
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100720/msgs/956231.html