Posted by hansi555 on May 13, 2010, at 8:38:33
Hi
Been here on the list on/off for a couple of years now.
I am now 2,5 years into a depression that seems very hard to get really out of. It seems like it will stay forever.Recap:
Nov. 2007, 2,5 years ago, I went down with stress and stopped working for 3 months. I had many symptoms, the most significant was total insomnia for a period of 2-3 months. I was not depressed at the time, but couldnt sleep without sleeping pills and benzos, I wasnt eating much either.
Finally my doc prescribed me remeron so I could eat and sleep. After taking remeron for about 2 weeks, out of the blue started massive crying spells, I couldnt understand why but everybody told me it was a depression, so I had to continue with the remeron (didnt knew much about ADs at the time). At this time I was beginning to work a few hours per day - it helped me to think of something else, I didnt think of it as work, it was more therapy.After 3-4 weeks I suddenly felt well again, this lasted 3 weeks, then everything turned around again, had some awful weeks again, then I got well again, then I was depressed again etc. Finally, about 3 moths after starting w remeron, the psyk (not my regular doc any longer) suggested to add Lexapro. At first it seemed to help some, but yet again it didnt really last. I struggled some more with ups and downs. Then in the autumn 2008 I read about Nortriptyline as a solution for treatment resistant depressions. I started out w a low dosage and after some months I was up to the 110 mg I am now - tried to go even higher so I could leave Lexapro and remeron out, but it seemed to work better in combination - kinda like Efexor maybe?? I have since then also tried to stop the remeron but then I have to increase one of the two others and this gives me even more side effects. For the last year I have been on 110 mg Nort, 10 mg Lexapro and 12 mg Remeron - tried minor changes but this seems the best solution.
But still it is upps and down all the time. I had a 3 months period Sept-Oct-Nov 2009 when I thought I was about to recover fully, but yet again my mood slowly went down in Dec and Jan. Since then it is the same picture: A period of days or weeks where it is going very well and ok, then some days of real down, crying spells, then feeling somewhat better, then crying and then a I am well again. It is SO frustrating - also for my family (wife + 2 daughters, 3 and 7). Also the planning of activities, especialy the summer vacations we normally enjoy vey much, seems difficult. Both the vacations in 2008 and 2009 was a mixed pleassure, half the time real down , the other half very well but I cant choose which it will be and when.
I am seeing both my psyk and a psychologist once every 4-6 weeks, but they dont have any answers either. I am regarded by others as a mentally strong person, not the kind of person anybody would suspect as a continuously depressed person hell, I am still wondering if the meds are doing this remember the real depression came 2 weeks AFTER the remeron start up.
I exercise 2 times per week, running and soccer. I dont eat fish at all and a well respected psyk have stated that some of the fish oils have a beneficial effect on how well we break down the AD medication. So a couple of weeks ago I started eating fish pills (big ones) every day.My changes in mood sometimes seem "chemical". I can wake up and feel awful one day and the next I am well again. As if the medicine is working one day but not the next.
And I am so puzzled. Why will (what seems) a uni-polar depression not just go away by it self? 2,5 years is a long time even my psyk admits this fact.
Is it because the medicine is only working partly on me? Is it possible to prolong the lifetime of a depression if the meicine doesnt work?I have been working full time since Sept. 2009 and yes, there have been times of being busy/stressed but I master and like my job as area sales manager very well.
But can a busy period result DIRECTLY in a depressed mood - and thereby somehow skip the "stress period"? It is called stress-RELEASED depression for some reason? I mean first you get busy, then stressed for some time and then depressed?It is like a big equation and I can not figure out how to solve it or how to live my life in away so I can recover fully...
Any thoughts welcome
poster:hansi555
thread:947322
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100504/msgs/947322.html