Posted by MrTook on May 7, 2010, at 10:54:52
Hi all! I am new here, but unfortunately not new to the torment we all feel. I have been a sufferer of a hodgepdoge of OCD/GAD for almost 15 years now with the occasional depressive episode that I am sure these trigger.
Almost 5 years ago I started taking Lexapro (10 mg) and started CBT for the first time. I did wonderful for 4 years and all that time I praised the value of medication and CBT. Over the last year I have been fighting lapses for the first time since I first went on Lexapro. A year ago I had a strong recurrence of OCD that triggered me to up the Lexapro to 20 mg (my doctor's advice) and restart CBT with my same therapist. I continued to have lapses (about every 12 weeks or so) so my pdoc recommended 7.5 mg of deplin. I started that in januray and have had a great 4 month ride but now I am stuck in another anxiety lapse. :(
This time my main concern is what if taking medication was a mistake. What if I will work my way through all the pills and none help me to be a good father, a good husband, and a capable provider. During the first 4 years of lexapro treatment we had 3 kids and my wife stopped working. What if that was a mistake! What if the happiness was a farce and we made poor decisions because of it.
I guess I just want to know how you guys deal with lapses. From reading the boards I think what I have to deal with is child's play compared to some suffering out there, but I would still greatly value any advice.
I am starting CBT in earnest again with this latest lapse but I would like to hold the line on medication. (I see nothing wrong with adding more meds, but the thought of having nothing else to turn to terrifies me.) My pdoc suggested xanax (5 pills a month or so) but I am terrified of addiction. I don't drink alchol because I can see how self medicating with that would be so easy ( I did it a few nights before starting lexapro) so I am afraid that I have an addictive personality.
Anyhow enough ramblings. I appreciate any responses and know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers as we search for answers.
poster:MrTook
thread:946645
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100504/msgs/946645.html