Posted by greywolf on March 26, 2010, at 1:13:11
For those who don't know my history since I haven't posted here in a while, but have been popping in and out for years, I have bipolar disorder II (possibly I given the nature and frequency of my manic episodes over the past year or so), really severe OCD (numerous checking and repetitive physical behaviors complicated by more seriously inhibiting constant blasphemous thoughts and thoughts of death/injury to loved ones (with associated warding rituals). I also have a bad cutting problem (not just scratching or superficial cuts--rather, very deep wounding warranting stitches if I went to my GP as requested by my psydoc) that is increasingly associated with extreme self-hatred.
To combat these problems, I underwent surgery for implantation of a Vagus Nerve Stimulator (basically a pacemaker implanted in the chest with a wire that runs up through the neck to wrap around the vagus nerve) and have had ECT (what a miserable experience).
Unfortunately, I continue to deteriorate despite these treatments, 4 years of regular CBT therapy, and having taken the following meds--all at a therapeutic level:
Lexapro, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Celexa, Zoloft, Cymbalta, Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Remeron, Tofranil, Clomipramine, Serzone (my first med), Symbyax, Saphris, Abilify, Geodon, Trazadone, Topamax, Doxepin, Lamictal, Depakote, Nardil (pills and patch), Parnate, Lithium, Deplin, Seroquel, Risperidone, Zyprexa, Klon, Xanax, Valium, Cytomel, and now Fanapt.
I just don't know if it's worth the SEs and the ever-more-expensive co-pays, and the disappointing results anymore. I'm slated to go to Massachusetts General for a consult regarding the OCD, and now TMS has been recommended to me.
My question is when do you stop? Maybe, how do you stop? When nothing's working very well after all of this, do you just go on to the next med variation they come up with while you're trying out your last one? Or do you just say, enough.
poster:greywolf
thread:940928
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100318/msgs/940928.html