Posted by Katgirl on December 1, 2009, at 10:26:24
In reply to Re: rTMs info » Katgirl, posted by SLS on November 25, 2009, at 18:00:45
Sorry for the delay posting on this Delna, FB and Scott! I think I'm a bit fearful of posting my response, because I don't want to be seen as being unwilling to try meds or God forbid as being seen as anti-med. TRUST me, I am a BIG proponent of staying on your meds!!
So here goes:
Even before the paxil withdrawal, stuff that works on Gaba does not seem to work well with my particular neurochemistry. I seem to have either a paradoxical reaction to them (Klonopin made me feel like I was climbing the walls--it was actually the very first psych drug I was ever given) or they just make me severally depressed (I cry the whole next day after a single dose in the evening). Like I said this was before the brain scramble, so I must just be weird.
Can either not tolerate any of the SSRI's anymore or none of them work anymore, or they make me worse depending on the particular drug
Didn't tolerate Nortrypyline or Amytriptiline. Nortryptyline actually made me tired and more anxious at the same time and I couldn't get up to a therapeutic dose anyway (I have really low blood pressure already 90/65 amongst other things)
Ambien/lunesta etc don't work for sleep.
Trazadone does work for sleep but upsets my stomach so badly that it is really not an option anymore.
Neurontin made me suicidal and slurred my speech even on a low dose.
Basically, (and here is the part I was afraid to say for fear of shunning) ever since I started to do better after rTMS, I have not wanted to risk another drug trial and end up back in the horrible place I was a few years ago. I spent three years getting worse and worse and worse with each successive failed drug trial and then withdrawal. I don't want to end up suicidal again from another drug withdrawal.
So, no Scott I haven't tried Nardil. I can't recall if any of my pdocs even brought up MAOI's, to tell you the truth. But like I said, at this point I'd be too scared to take it. Please don't judge me as not trying hard enough to get well. I work really hard at dealing with my condition everyday, truley I do. And REALLY, I do wish I could take a pill and be all better again. (I really need to go back to school but I know that would just be way to much for me right now. Sigh)
It seems from some of the reading I've been doing on this board that people who are treatment resistant, can often take large quantities of different drugs but they just don't work. I'm different. For me, tolerating anything is the problem. I am hypersensitive to drugs now.
Anyhow, that is where I'm at. I had a really nice 4 day stretch over the holidays where I actually slept and felt good but then I came down with the virus from hell and have been feeling pretty downcast. Getting sick is a scary time for me because I can't exercise and do all the things I need to do to stay stable.
This fall has been rough, I've had major surgery, followed three weeks later by anyphalactic shock and now I'm sick. REALLY REALLY REALLY trying to stay positive, but right now I think I am looking forward to saying goodbye to 2009 and hoping for bigger and better things in 2010. (Wow, 2010! when I was a kid I thought we'd all be living in dome houses and zooming around on hovercrafts by now. Probably giving away how old I am with that one!!)
OK, now I'm just babbling. Apparently the virus has not helped my ability to focus. Hope I've managed to make sense and answer everything.
Thanks so much for your interest and kind words and I hope I have not offended anyone.
poster:Katgirl
thread:925800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091127/msgs/927679.html