Posted by garnet71 on May 31, 2009, at 0:25:45
In reply to Re: Question for Garnet, posted by Neal on May 30, 2009, at 23:38:40
It just dawned on me that I am very scared at the potential loss of control over my own life.
I'm scared that I am now dependent upon another person for my well being-a doctor. I'm scared that someone else can have control over my mental health. I can't write my own scripts, but am now dependent upon meds to function. I can't be dependent on another person for my well being.
Come to think of it, fearing the loss of control over myself because someone else has authority that trumps my own personal decisions and control over any particular aspect of my life is the whole root of my anxiety disorder. I haven't thought about this in a while, but just figured that out about a year ago. At the time, it was like an epiphany, but I've since forgotten about this...It does make a lot of sense, a child has no control over being abused, which is one reason why I quit being a child by the time I was 10 years old.
I going to find a therapist next week.
Sorry to highjack your thread Jerry, which I just realized i did. But it somehow led to this conclusion that I need therapy right now to deal with this. I think I'm going to quit discussing this, at least right here, until I find a therapist to talk to. I feel relieved in a sense though, that by talking about this over the past 2 days, I identified the big picture here. It's all about being dependent upon another person, and not having autonomy over my situation. Wow, this is a pretty intense realization.
poster:garnet71
thread:898025
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090524/msgs/898566.html