Posted by garnet71 on May 24, 2009, at 15:09:32
In reply to PDoc refused meds - what should I do?, posted by garnet71 on May 24, 2009, at 11:49:48
Yeah, I know it's not a long term solution; I always know when I need to go off a benzo. It's just I waited too long. I mean, my life is still hanging by a thread,I cannot adddress all my responsibilities, doing as much as i can. I just graduated this week from UG school, but had overlapping classes starting grad school the same week. Didn't have $ to park, cant get myself to do a 4 hr public transp. daily commute again, and still don't have all the $ to buy all my books. And my car needs $2000 in repairs, leaking oil, the inspection expired.
Life hanging by a thread- I was getting by ok, working, going to school...I was med free for several months....Then things fell apart when I started getting anxiety attacks last Aug., Sept and taking SSRIs again. They made me so depressed and tired. Worse, after taking them for those months, my motivation was totally erased by the time classes ended in December, started missing lots of classes...then when the semester ended and still on the SSRIs, I was doing nothing but playing solitare on the computer and using the internet; stayed in bed all day and night. I didn't even put up christmas decorations or a tree, did nothing for the holiday...So I found this forum just then and I finally knew why! So I quit the SSRIs and got a little better, but my motivation never came back to par, but mood was so much better w/o meds. So I was off all meds for a couple weeks?, started back up at school, got anxiety so severe that I almost had a nervous breakdown. Had to quit my job but stayed in school, that's when I went to PDoc again to get meds..Went back to this PDoc.....I didn't ask for benzos-he offered them; I asked for the buspirone. And I got the ADD dx, which made sense because my coursework had totally changed to new types of stuff, which explained alot. Though the first 2 stimulants didn't work out, I got through the spring semester by not taking SSRIs....but came really close to failing my thesis because of all the med trials and the SSRIS from last year.
Anyway, the loss of income has totally piled up and things are falling apart, but I'm scared to go back to work just yet. And I lost my health insurance in December and almost lost my house to foreclosure during this time. Anyway, I'm just ranting because I need someone to talk to :( One of you must be playing a violin for me in the background..lol
I thought PDOc trusted me since in my med history, I had asked to be taken off benzos from time to time. Usually just using them in between being med free then getting anxiety agian, and small doses. I don't think he even knew who he was talking to on the phone though. He didn't seem to even recognize me. This is my fault for not taking care of this earlier in the week. Partly due to motivational issues, feeling frozen, but partly due to optimism that I would figure something out on my own..
I am doing some of my homework today, and am making some progress now that I took a stimulant. So I guess I am semi-functional at this point. Thanks, I feel a little bit better after talking to you all :-)
poster:garnet71
thread:897397
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090524/msgs/897440.html