Posted by Mufasa on April 18, 2009, at 22:37:46
In reply to Re: How Does Lamictal cause anxiety?, posted by thaddeus on December 16, 2007, at 7:59:34
> I have had depression going on 18 years. I've tried just about every SSRI, some of them worked alright but my libido and other related side effects made my finally look elsewhere a year ago. At one time I had been taking Wellbutrin and Effexor simultaneously (don't ask my why), and I became hypo-manic, so I took an anti-convulsant which seemed to help. Anyway, my psych decided to try the lamictal, which seemed to reduce the side effects mentioned above, and help with the depression. At 200mg of lam I started feeling anxious consistently, and at 300mg I started developing OCD-type behaviors which I've never had--and the anxiety went through the roof. It's extremely frustrating, having tried almost everything out there and having one or the other side effect, but I'll keep trying *sigh*
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I just ripped myself off of Lithium assuming that was the culprit. They say I have Bipolar I, I don't know, probably and I've suffered Panic Disorder since early childhood. They put me on Lexapro first and that did nothing but cause issues. Then Geodon equivalent to a bear hibernating for a century. Then Seroquel at 600MGs where I laid on the couch, labored breathing afraid to use the restroom for any exertion of my body strained the heart and I'd panic. My doctors ignored that so I got off cold turkey and survived.
I do hallucinate people who are not present and 'blacked out' once running off until the police caught me and I have little memory of the incident, some alter ego with a different name and sex 'took over me'...I had -no- idea but seemingly it happened. So I was put on Lamictal and Lithium. It's like..nothing really went wrong until now and it's been 2 years. I'm on ..or was on 750MG's of Lithium and take 200MGs of Lamictal. I just got off of the Lithium and even on the drugs I talk to these people like they're there, I've learned to adapt in that I know they are not real and tune them out when other real people are present. One of these people is the one who 'takes me over'. Before medication and treatment he was aggressive and cruel and tortured me..it was in my head but I suffered regardless. He told me to do things, what started the treatment was when he advised me to threaten someones life and take it if necessary to protect myself ..to ensure I could live in peace. So I attempted, was hospitalized but it worked..they left and there was peace in the home. Sick eh? On the meds he became like a father to me and advised me to take care of myself, he never tampered with my ego or controlled me. Now my moods are shifting along with my anxiety and he is prompting me to aggressive behavior which depresses me, he harasses me greatly and it's more horrible than the beginning because I had a good bond with him prior to this and it's a complete 180. I cannot share this with anyone around me and my doctor does not know I went cold turkey on Lithium though I see him this Monday. I am becoming satiated and at ease with dark thoughts and cruelty, evil even and I enjoy when he tampers with my mind. It becomes more addicting and he uses my radical phobia of drugs against me to the extent I wish to quit it all and stop treatment and live rampant in the throngs of mood swings for the sake of the thrill of my highs. I don't want to be criminal or be hospitalized but Lamictal is a sheer sh*t and I would like to return to Lithium but it gives me the shakes, the runs, the brain zaps, nausea and this very bizarre fatigue. It's as if it's a downer in some sort of way but am I confusing it with my Lithium? I don't really know what tod anymore.
I'd like someone to talk to because nobody around here understand Bipolar or even just GAD in general and the reality is doctors can't know exactly, obviously and you sign up for experimenting on drugs, the suffering and madness and I'm becoming annoyed with doctors and even the police...it's odd but authority makes me aggressive..control makes me anxious so I'm sure that's my other fear of drugs..random influence I cannot see nor comprehend?
poster:Mufasa
thread:726134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090416/msgs/891498.html