Posted by garnet71 on January 29, 2009, at 21:46:57
In reply to Re: Dedicated to those who cannot get better... » garnet71, posted by SLS on January 29, 2009, at 21:00:09
What a thoughtful thing to say, Scott. What I should be doing now, however, is studying...I can't get motivated to do it. I love my studies-love my school-love learning. Maybe it is a bit of OCD that I find myself here instead? Maybe a bit of bipolar? I've been SSRI free for about 10 days now. The brain/electrical shocks have gone away, but the anxiety came back. I want to wait it out and see if it is temporary - because I plan to go to endo and neur and get tests - and want to be SSRI free when I get them.
I feel so guilty posting here instead of doing my homework, and am afraid of failing graduate school. I wish I had someone here who knows how to do mathematical modeling to help me, because I sure don't. I think math is so interesting, but unfortunately, it is the most difficult thing for my brain to process - that abstract stuff - especially now with the cognitive difficulties I recently developed.
I'm a "healer", I mean my Meyers Briggs..but I don't like one-on-one stuff that much..I like to look at everything on the macro level; the big picture. When I was as young as 8, I used to tell my Grandmother I wanted to be a psychologist. Even read Freud when I was that little..don't remember much, but my childhood was miserable and I read my parents books to escape. Iwasn't allowed to do much else. Anyway, my Grandmother suffered from Schitzophrenia, and I look back and am so sad that my parents made fun of her, and that I didn't get to know her more before she passsed. She was such an intelligent, insightful person who thought way beyond her time. She was 'doing' alternative medicine before it was even invented..lol. Unfortunately, she lacked motivation. I wonder if she really had schitzophrenia or was bipolar? She had a nervous breakdown when her husband died at 35; went into a catatonic depression and got ECT. She did hallucinate..and did stuff like exorcise the house and stab devils on the windowsills with forks, only at times. One time it was when we were watching Amityville Horror, as kids, and she was babysitting us. I think that triggered her episode. I feel so much empathy for people with mental illness. And abused dogs..just seeing if you are awake..lol, no really.
So you had a bad childhood as well? I agree with you concerning psychotherapy--it always leads to growth somehow, some way. They always tried to push cognitive therapy on me, though, but it didn't seem to help as much. I can't afford therapy right now; when I could, the therapists I visited did always help in their own special way. But my very first therapist died of pancreatic cancer. It was so sad that I was telling him of my problems and didn't even know he was dying. he just sat there and listened; more quiet than usual; more reserved. My last visit I could see it in his eyes, but didn't put 2 and 2 togetehr until it was too late. I only had the privelege of seeing him less than a dozen times, and he diagnosed me with PTSD; I have found no therapist to match his insight since. When I graduate from school, I will resume therapy. Did you ever try EFT?
Sorry for the rambling. I guess I am in more of a mood to talk then listen right now. And you just happen to by the person to have to get bombarded with my thoughts tonight :)
poster:garnet71
thread:876756
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090104/msgs/877135.html