Posted by crittercuddler on December 25, 2008, at 23:07:49
Earlier today I was feeling completely hopeless, depressed, suicidal, and overwhelmed with anxiety to the point where it was hard to do anything because my mind kept going blank. (For example I was trying to compose an important letter and I just could not do it.)
Well, I decided to take a Zoloft, 25mg, to see what it would do, around noon. As soon as the medicine started to peak I immediately could feel a difference and it has lasted all day. It is like a switch was flipped inside of me. I am in a COMPLETELY different state than I was in earlier (and am usually in).
I know that it is not normal for an anti-depressant to improve symptoms so dramatically, SO QUICKLY.
My depression feels much better. The blank feeling lifted and I was able to finish composing my important letter and go on to write many more emails and even read several chapters in a book. This elevation in my mood comes with a price though. I feel EXTREMELY restless and jumpy. A few times my muscles have jerked in response to me moving them. I feel like I could go and run 4 miles and still not be able to shake this inner restlessness. (And I don't exercise) I feel somewhat agitated, like I could be bothered easily if given the chance (although nothing has bothered me as of yet.) I know that if I tried to sleep there is no way that I could do it without a strong sleeping pill.
Although I feel like I am thinking more clearly because I am obviously being activated, I also am finding that my memory is acting funny. For example,I read several chapters in a book earlier and have had to go back and check what I read because when I have tried to recall it I am having trouble. When I was reading it though it felt like I was comprehending it well. I would even say I was reading fast. Also, when I was watching tv with my dad earlier he asked me a question and I quickly answered, but a second later I realized that I had already forgotten what the question was that he asked me! I asked him to tell me what he asked me. I had remembered answering "yes", but I had already forgotten what I said yes to.This is the same reaction I have had to every anti-depressant I have tried since weaning off Celexa. It is the same reaction that has kept me from being able to get back on an SSRI because after feeling like this (activated) for a week I can't take it anymore.
I just don't understand why I can't take another SSRI without this happening to me, even at tiny doses. I took an SSRI for 4 years and never had this problem. I also don't remember having this problem when I started taking the one I used to take.
I have read that anti-depressants can cause insomnia, agitation, and restlessness in the beginning of treatment, but I am worried that this is not the "normal" degree to which those things can happen. I have also read that it should subside in a couple of weeks. Well, last time I tried Zoloft (mind you at an even smaller dose of 12.5mg) I managed to make it a week and at a week I was not any less anxious, restless, or able to sleep, etc...
Is this anti-depressant induced mania?
If so, why didn't this happen back in 2001 when I took my first anti-depressant?Is it that my serotonin levels are just so low that I am super sensitive to them being raised?
If this is the case why don't I get sleepy instead?Have I been so depressed for so long that I don't know what having energy feels like? I tell myself this can't be the case. I have to know what is normal still, even after being sick for so long, shouldn't I?
I have been taking Trazadone for 4 days now because I had read that the 5HT2A antagonism in it can reduce the insomnia, agitation, and restlessness sometimes encountered when starting and SSRI. Obviously it is not doing anything for me in that regard.
I have been doing this for 3 years. I guess I keep going back to SSRIs because feeling too activated is better than feeling too depressed and too anxious. Oh my God I just don't know what to do.
HELP! Do you think this is mania?
poster:crittercuddler
thread:870804
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081223/msgs/870804.html