Posted by Onestone on December 18, 2008, at 11:45:44
Hi, everybody, second post here.
Background: I'm male, middle aged, and a lifelong sufferer from anhedonia (aka as constant misery), with associated lethargy. My external circumstances are pretty much ideal (apart from having no work at the moment), and I do things which ought to be fun.
The only pleasurable time (as contrasted with "not too bad") I've had in the last twenty years was listening to the radio in a taxi being taken home from a casualty department just after my knee had been smashed up. No, you're not supposed to make a joke out of that. ;-) I'm trying to find out what drugs they gave me that evening.
I've tried quite a few drugs in the distant past, including citalopram, paroxetine, some "modern" MAOI, and recently edronax.
I've also done several years of psychotherapy, which sorted out quite a bit of the secondary damage, uncovering some serious childhood abuse. But I'm feeling as miserable as ever.
The edronax, a noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor, was really scary. It left me feeling like the victim in a horror film, wondering what was about to happen, scared of the people around me. I came off it about a month ago. It's also left me with a lasting degradation of concentration (which wasn't brilliant to start with). Will this come back?
The only drug which has ever worked (i.e. with benefits exceding drawbacks) has been St. John's wort. I live somewhere where you can get quality SJW reliably. When I first tried it, its effect was immediate (after ~2 days), despite my cynicism at the time. However its effect is too weak - it transforms me from 90% dysfunctional to 80% dysfunctional.
The psycho who prescribed the edronax broke off all contact with me abruptly when I (politely) asked him about dopamine drugs, leaving me bewildered and angry. I'm not intending to pay his bills.
I was at a different psycho this morning. When I asked her about dopamine drugs, she said she'd gen up on them, but asked me if I'd be prepared to give another "standard" drug a go? I said OK, and she's prescribed me venlafaxine.
Here we go again - Why on earth did I say yes? Yet another useless drug which will "sort of" make me feel "a bit better", with horrible side effects. Why is venlafaxine, a serotonin/noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor, going to do any good at all when several SSRIs and one NoRI have been useless or alarmingly useless? Or is there some reasonable chance this stuff might work?
Am I on the right track in thinking I need a dopamine drug? Why are psychos so scared of and reluctant to prescribe these drugs?
I'm so much closer now to putting plan B into effect than when I formulated it, and this would certainly end the misery, but I don't want to. I'm still hoping to get something out of life. If anybody can say anything to cheer me up a bit, something to help me get through the Christmas period, I'd be very greatful.
Thanks!
poster:Onestone
thread:869422
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081214/msgs/869422.html