Posted by NOS Patient on June 25, 2008, at 23:58:37
Hi. I've perused this site since about 1999 and never knew exactly what or how to say anything. At this point (I just turned 30) I think advice from others who can empathize with my situation might be more helpful than family, boyfriend, etc.
I was dx with Bipolar I when I was 19 y.o. I had to leave college and move back in with my parents. Numerous meds followed (Lithium, Eskalith, Lithobid, Haldol, Cogentin, Thorazine, Depakote, Tegretol, almost every benzo, Seroquel, Risperdal...). Meds caused horrific side effects including hypothyroidism (enter Synthroid), severe acne (enter Accutane + high triglyceride levels), obesity (resolved after med reduction + 2 years off anti-psychotics) and innumerable other med complications including cardiac probs and seizures.
Getting off track... Eventually, after 4 hospitalizations, a pdoc in inpatient setting decided to take me off all antipsychotics because ("I was taking enough meds at the maximum legal doses to put a 400 lb. Schizophrenic man in a coma and they weren't helping to reduce symptoms - only seemed to exacerbate symptoms"). I had requested ECT to resolve rapid-cycling mixed-state episode and to reduce meds. This pdoc took me off everything except benzos + added Neurontin (High - 4800mg) and Lamictal (200mg). He also recommended looking further into the possibility of a misdiagnosis of Bipolar. He thought severe GAD and ADHD (have family and personal history) was misinterpreted as rapid cycling BP1.
Well, within 2 months I had a fulltime job and 3 months after that I was back at college full-time (living in dorms).College went awesome, but I pushed too hard and was involved in 2 major MVAs (both times hit by drunk drivers - no fault of mine). This resulted in severe PTSD and increased anxiety and ended up not being able to finish undergrad (with only 4 classes left for B.A.)
Immense depression set in, and dealt with it poorly (too much partying/denial, etc). Ended up going off all meds 2 years ago b/c I couldn't increase doses (was at max for benzo and Mood Stabilizers) and thought a "detox" period could only do good and seemed only resolution. Pdoc agreed. After horrible detox (did it by myself at home - included seizures and all) a severe psychotic depression ensued that lasted for about 1 1/2 years. That resolved itslef and am back in typicle GAD/ADHD/PTSD situation.
My insurance will run out in a few months and have gotten some temp. Klonopin scripts and have appt. set with a new psychopharm doc. (Had to relocate states).
But I'm not working and don't feel I can right now, and am terrified of going back on numerous meds. (have been on 13+ at times and frequently at the max. doses.) Have had periods of extreme high functioning (on Dean's list at high-ranked university, was on track to go to med school or get a Master's in Public Health).
So afraid of getting back into the "sick role" etc. But also can't deal with not being a "functioning" person. Have also lapsed back into minor alcohol use at nights sometimes to quell anxiety (apparently 1mg Klonopin not enough BID).
Don't even know where to turn re: Medicaid, future goals, etc. I used to be such a cool person with a future. Feeling depression starting to set in again & the feeling is terrifying.
Always thought an ADHD "life-coach" would've been tremendously helpful. Again though, more $$$ I don't have.
If anyone can relate, please respond as I don't quite know where to turn. I do have a tremendous wealth of knowledge about psych meds and I'm not sure where to start with new pdoc or how i will afford them.
Sorry about the rambling, I'm a permanent insomniac (since 14 y.o.) and am quite active at night.
Thanks so much, NOS Patient (because no MD ever thinks my dx's are "typical).
poster:NOS Patient
thread:836477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080617/msgs/836477.html