Posted by crazybeautiful on June 5, 2008, at 19:18:12
Hi guys. I'm new to the board & have spent the entire day reading threads that seemed relevant to me. It's nice to find so much first hand experience & knowledge on these drugs in one place. Anyhow, here's my situation:
I have been diagnosed, but I don't know if anything that any docs have told me are correct. One said I was suffering from major depression or possibly a major depressive episode. That was 10 yrs. ago. I didn't see anyone else about these issues until about 5 yrs. ago. I don't have insurance so it's costly to seek treatment for these problems.
I finally sought outpatient help at my local mental health clinic that provided low cost care & treatment. I had a horrible experience there & really don't want to go back. A p-doc was downright rude to me when I asked her about various meds I had researched. I guess she felt insulted that I had some knowledge on meds, therapy, & what might be going on with me (I do since I'm planning on majoring in Psychology & have taken some classes). She put me on Geodon & Effexor XL right away at the same time. I don't remember how many mgs. I had really bad side effects that I couldn't handle. I tried my best to give them a chance, because I knew that a lot of these meds have side effects that lessen or go away after time. Unfortunately, I couldn't even make it past a week. I don't remember which pill was which, but I would take one of the meds in the morning & one in the evening. One med made me tense & gave me bad muscle spasms, & insomnia. Based on what others have said, I'm guessing this was the Effexor XL. Assuming that, the Geodon made me sleep about 12-14 hrs. & made me confused & disoriented. It was awful!!
Anyhow, I got switched to a different p-doc & got off those meds. He was better, but I think he thought nothing was really wrong with me. I'm a good speaker & pretty articulate & at times people think I'm just fine & that the reason I don't work is that I'm lazy, which is completely not true. At that time I was almost convinced I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder & Social Phobia because I certainly identified with the requirements in the DSM-IV. After doing blood work & having me cut down on caffeine, he finally decided that maybe there was truth to what I was saying. He diagnosed me with having Dysthymia with Borderline Personality tendencies. I disagree. He put me on Paxil (forgot the mgs) & I was on that for about 6 months. That just made me into a sexless zombie who didn't care about anything. I couldn't even cry. It did make me quit smoking though, which was odd (started back after getting off it). I was also seeing a counselor, but she always seemed really confused every time I talked to her. She didn't help much, as I had already tried most of the techniques she suggested. Eventually, she said that because of all of my knowledge of psychology, I was "too smart" for counseling to work for me. This is what I figured would happen. Her suggestion? Hypnosis. She said my brain needed to be re-conditioned. I thought this was funny, but I'm open to whatever. I never found a hypnotist, so eventually I just gave up & tried to cope with my symptoms.
Then came another 4 yrs. of hell. My temper was out of control. The smallest thing would set me off. It could start out as a simple argument with my boyfriend about leaving dirty dishes in our bedroom & eventually blow up into all out rage. I would scream & slam doors & physically abuse him. I'd get so mad that I couldn't breathe & would forget what I was mad about in the first place. Then I'd collapse in exhaustion, tears streaming down my face, & holding onto my boyfriend saying "I'm sorry." I hated being like this. I kept thinking that all of my boyfriends were just incompatible. Maybe they were, but with time I realized that my anger & sensitivity were the majority of the problem.
Now I look back & realize that I've been like this my whole life. Even when I was a child, I'd get so mad at my mother, screaming & yelling at her. My father did the same thing to her so I imagine some of what I have is hereditary. Mom is very loving, understanding, & laid back. Dad is just the opposite--raging temper, insomniac, slightly OCD, controlling. His mother was bipolar, but we don't know all the details. So with all of this, how could I not be manic depressive or something of the sort?
I finally decided to seek help again this year. This time I decided that I was not going to make the mistake that I had before. With the other docs, I told them I was depressed, but angry. I appeared hopeless & distraught because this "cycle" of normal, angry, sad/ashamed, had been going on so long. Immediately they think "Oh, she's just depressed. This is easy." But my depression was obviously stemming from a bigger problem which needed to be addressed. So I went to my GP. I had not seen her very much since I only visit when I'm sick, but I decided to give her a try. I explained that I was angry & irritable all the time & this was causing me to be depressed & also that I had no energy & I had social/performance anxiety. I was pleasantly suprised, she was nice & willing to help as much as she could. I had heard great things about Lexapro, & she agreed & put me on 10 mg a day.
Right away I noticed a difference. It was like night & day. I had not felt this good...ever! I was on a high for about 2 weeks. My temper just vanished & that made me so happy that I cried. I only had 2 arguments with my boyfriend that whole month. No crying spells, or temper tantrums at all. I was amazed & delighted. I couldn't orgasm & was slightly frustrated, but who cares?! I was happy! Then after the initial 2 weeks, things leveled out the 3rd week. I went back to report to GP about my progress. I mentioned the sexual side effects & she said we could always add wellbutrin later to take care of that, but to stay with the 10 mg for another month. By the end of the second month, I hit rock bottom. I got soooo depressed, like really depressed for no reason & I was really sensitive. I didn't get angry, just sad over the smallest things.
Back to GP for another progress report, this time she ups me to 20mg of Lexapro & asks if I wanna add the Wellbutrin XL. I told her I'd wait & see what happens first. I took the 20mg of Lexapro for a month. As usual, first 2 weeks I was on a high again. Beginning of the 3rd week I leveled out & by the end of the 3rd week I was so fatigued that I slept 10 hrs. a day & still needed naps.
During this time my GP decides to quit! I freaked! I was hesitant about going to the replacement doc, but I gave it a shot. Luckily, she was even nicer & better than my original GP. She also suggested adding Wellbutrin XL & said it would help the sexual side effects, counteract the fatigue, give me motivation (which I've had a problem with my entire life) & even help me cut down on smoking! So I added the 150mg Wellbutrin XL. I said to myself, uh oh, here we go, I'm getting a cocktail going. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a 6 or 7 ingredient cocktail before this is all over, but I remained optimistic. I took the 150mg of Wellbutrin XL in the mornings & the 20mg of Lexapro in the early evenings.
Wah-lah! Within a week I was back to having great sex. ;) Within 2 weeks I saw some improvement in my fatigue. I didn't notice any improvement in motivation or smoking cessation. In fact, by this time I had noticed that the Lexapro was making me smoke more & drink more, but I didn't care since it was working so well on my rage & social/performance anxiety.
So back to the new GP to report on progress. She decides to up me to 300mg to see if that solves everything. I take my cocktail & wah-lah! Motivation like I've never had before! Wonderful! Then, as time passes, I start getting irritable. Oh no! Not THIS again! I will NOT go back to being like that! I also develop a tic in my jaw & have some random muscle spasms other places like arms & legs. They happen in spurts & last just about every 2-10 minutes. They will go away for a while & come back again for 2-10 minutes or so. VERY annoying. I can be talking & my jaw will move involuntarily so I kind of stutter. Really embarrassing. I even bit my tongue a few times. I had noticed the tic & spasms happening a little on the 150mg towards the end of the month, but I figured they might go away with time or changing the dose.
So back to GP again. I get lowered back down to 150mg, but this time it's Buproprion SR instead of XL. Nurse Practioner (GP was out of town) says to take 75mg in the morning & take my Lexapro 20mg in the evening. If I find that I need more Buproprion take another one before 5pm (or else I won't be able to sleep). Well, it's been about 3 weeks now & here I am, typing to you guys. Why? Because the Buproprion SR is not working. Even at 75mg I am twitching like a rabbit & I just can't stand it. I'm also noticing a bit more fatigue & a little irritability. Based on what I've told you, does anyone have a clue as to what my diagnosis might be? I know you aren't professionals, but I'd still like to hear your opinions. Also, has anyone been on this Lexapro-Wellbutrin cocktail? Do you have any suggestions as to what meds I should try? I've heard some good things about Privigil, & Inderal. Could either of these be a substitute for the Wellbutrin, taken along with the Lexapro? All responses welcomed. My main problems are:
1. Anger/Irritability/Sensitivity
2. Social/Performance Anxiety (anything even related to performance like performing a credit card transaction in front of people, driving a car, etc.)
3. Lack of motivation to do just about anything
poster:crazybeautiful
thread:833193
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080528/msgs/833193.html