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Re: Why I hate Lamictal

Posted by linkadge on September 24, 2007, at 17:24:00

In reply to Re: Why I hate Lamictal » linkadge, posted by polarbear206 on September 24, 2007, at 16:20:11


>I'd really like to know all of your symptoms >when you are off of all meds. Your daily >routine? Are you able to go out and socialize >with friends? Eating habits, mood changes, >energy levels, sleep patterns.

I don't really see the point in describing these.

>Frankly, I have wondered how you can concentrate >and write your postings. You are well >articulated. It would be an extreme effort for >me if I wasn't medicated.

I don't see how one thing has to do with another?
That is essentially why I get nowhere. I see doctors...."well you sound fine to me".

>I would just stare at the screen and wouldn't be >able to think clearly let alone have the energy. >It would be a big effort.

Depression for me does not mean lack of energy for me, just extreme sadness. I feel like I am disconnected from life, like everything passes me by. Like everything is meaningless. If I could sum up my mood in one song it would be Chopin, Tristesse Etude. Over and over again. There is no purpose, no order. Every bird song is laiden with sadness, like they too know the meaninglessness and futility. Time is just one long expanse, yet so incredably short, yet never stopping. Driving forward, a constant reminder of my mortality, my insignificance. Every moment of happiness is quickly snatched from me, and replaced with endless reflection about how and why. It is just me and eternity. It never stops, yet I don't know what "it" is, although it is intent on telling me what I am not.

I do not have friends. They don't understand me. I don't understand me. Why would I want to "fit in". How does that make me normal? What is normal?
I just can't get far enough away from people, from myself.

Oh sure, mood stabilizers blunt it all, in that "just hit over the head with a baseball bat" kind of way. They don't replace it with anything good. I suppose thats my job. That is, if I care enough about wanting whats good.

I don't sleep much. I am up, thinking.

Its hard to explain to doctors. Perhaps this is what life is really like. TCA's helped, but nobody prescribes them anymore. My psyiatrist is gone for a year anyway. So I a year of refills of meds that are worthless.

Doctors just want to know that you're not going to off yourself. After that, you need to fend for yourself. I have severe trust problems, as you may be aware too.

Mood stabilizers and AP's were the end of my mother as I knew her.

I am not really looking to be diagnosed online. More to look around and see if there is anyone who's syptoms are similar to mine, and perhaps find what helped them.

Linkadge


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poster:linkadge thread:784772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070919/msgs/784894.html