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So when did your depression and/or anxiety start?

Posted by football on April 14, 2007, at 21:24:56

I'm 18 right now. Prior to high school I was very outgoing, had lots of hobbies and interests and several very good friends. No signs what-so-ever of depression or axiety.

It was 10th grade (my first year of high school) that I first began to notice my anxiety and depression. I became self-conscious and nervous around even my best friends and I began to feel sad and hopeless about the future.
This continued throughout highschool, and all but a few of my friends slowly drifted away. I became anxious doing previously simple things like making found calls or asking employees at stores questions. Meanwhile, my depression progressed and I found myself constantly sad, getting in stupid fights with my parents, having my grades drop, and not wanting to do anything but stay in my house by myself watching TV and listening to music.

After high school, despite obviously not being in good enough shape, I went to an out-of-state-college away from my family and my friends, hoping for a fresh start. However it quickly became evident that my 3 years of social anxiety and depression in high school had made me largely forget about my personality and how to make friends, so I found myself hanging out with my roommate and his friends who were all very heavy drug users and had little interest in participating in campus activities.

Despite being initially uncomfortable, I soon began using with them. This had nothing but negative effects. My depression increased drastically because I did not really want to spend my college experience snorting cocaine, and swallowing ecstasy, and oxycontin while watching movie after movie in a dorm room. But I didn't know what else to do. Also to further increase my depression, my grades slipped drastically and I began to skip classes. For the first time in my life I began to have serious thoughts of suicide.

My social anxiety increased drastically as well as I began to be completely unable to have a conversation with anyone unless I was under the influence. I even needed to be using some illegal drug to have the courage to do something as simple as pick up and pay for my books. Whenever I was unfortunate enough to have to talk to some one without being under the influence of some drug, I could hardly manage to speak a coherent sentence and felt like an idiot.

This grew worse and worse, and near the end of October, I finally decided to make the best decision of my life and contact my parents. As I hoped, they were extremely sympathetic and told me to pack all my stuff and come home that very day.

I did, and that's when my medication/therapy started. I went through most of the SSRIs with no improvement. My Pdoc prescribed Cymbalta next and I had a horrible allergic reaction to it. Next was Klonopin + Abilify. The Klonopin seemed helpful, but the Abilify caused terrible akathisia, the worst feeling I had ever felt in the world. Next, I finally convinced him to combine Klonopin with Nardil. (Yes!!!) He also gave me some drug I had never heard of called Provogil, which as many of you here know, I absolutely adore.

Nardil has almost completely wiped out my depression, and Nardil and Klonopin have helped moderately with my social anxiety. I'm optmomistic when the doses of both are soon increased and when I start with Cognitive behavioral therapy next week, my social anxiety will, like my depression, become a thing of the past!


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poster:football thread:749897
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