Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 19, 2007, at 23:52:49
In reply to Re: waaaahh :( Rozerem made me loopy!, posted by munificentexegete on February 16, 2007, at 17:26:24
> > I think of my brain as a globe with a lot of political strife. Sometimes we can stop the war (the bad thoughts, feelings, etc) by cutting all communications. These are very crude crude tools.
>
> I like that metaphor, i think it probably sums up your problems precisely. So your problem is bad thoughts. Have you always had them, did they start at a point in your life?Well... um. probably. I've had flashbacks about episodes that happened when I was a preschooler. Let's say that there was trauma and violence in my household and directed at my person starting at 18 mos of age. (or so says my pediatric records)
> I imagine that depression and bad thoughts go hand in hand. I think a doctor needs to give lurpsie noodle's feel good system a proper check.
Okay. sounds good
>
> Have you had you had your levels of serotonin and dopamine measured (ask for a catcholamines urine test, should be almost free)? Also the operation of your receptors can be analysed with MRI or PET scans? I think you would need to see a neurologist for those sorts of tests and they could be expensive, but good health is priceless.
>true good health is priceless. I just wonder how my system is right now, since I'm in withdrawal from SSNRI and one AP, and am just getting up to plasma steady state on a new AP. I'm not sure what a test would tell me other than "f*cked up".
Also, this brings me back to the good old days of dex suppression tests- very good at showing that cortisol response if f*cked up, but very bad at predicting which drug/drugs/therapies a person will respond to.
> > My pdoc would agree that the current theories are insufficient to explain my overall psychiatric condition in terms that would satisfy a physicist, a chemist or even a biologist.
>
> I think they have a much greater array of medical investigative scans and tests than most people are lead to believe. Most doctors prescribe psychotropics without even doing a single test after a five mintute consultation based on "feel" rather than science.
>
I guess I should consider myself lucky that I merit more than a five minute consultation. I get lots more attention than that.> If they can find out exactly what is wrong with you I think they can target the medication if you need any, or therapy. Even finding out that nothing is wrong with you and that the feelings are normal and could be a result of environment and personal contact with certain types of people. Whenever I feel those sorts of feelings it usually means I am around some bad people, and so it is a warning to me, like pressure on your hand if someone squeezes it too tightly, its uncomfortable. So those thoughts and feelings could well be like an early warning radar system. If you shut your brain down then it can be like shutting your pain system down, and then you don't get alerted to a dangerous situation or people. without pain, you would hold your hand on a boiling kettle until your flesh melts.
>Interesting thing- I've been reading some about PTSD, (my Dx, by the way) and apparently we lucky PTSD people are so used to our bodies signalling "fire! alert! help! pain! ack!" that we completely ignore our bodies altogether, try to numb any somatic sensations or cut them out. use your imagination. hence dissociation, self-mutilation, etc.
problem is that when our mind doesn't get good information from our bodies we are also very bad at perceiving intensely POSTIVE emotions, like joy, love, horniness, etc...
however, at othertimes there is intense hypervigilance where any small thing is perceived as a grave threat. In my hypervigilant states I rarely leave the house, and send my poor pdoc many e-mails on the minutiae of my somatic and psychological distress.
this can lead to major depression and anhedonia. bummer. I've had a few times now. let's say starting in high school, most recently a year ago.
> > I already felt plenty sick (mentally & physically) when I started seeing him. Since then, I've been feeling like myself for many many days in a row. He reminds me to hang in there when we are changing meds and that these feelings and symptoms are probably going to pass. I also try to remind myself of why I'm taking the drugs in the first place (so that I won't want to die) and why I continue to take them (so that I can have the mental stability to do the difficult task of dissertating and living a "normal" life). Sometimes it's hard to think of those things though when I'm in the midst of the 10th hour of panic and the 2nd week of horrible insomnia...
>
> I am sure that you won't die from naturally occuring bad thoughts, however, if lurpsie's feel good system is physically damaged or operating in an abnormal manner, then you might need some sort of targetted medical intervention for a short or a long time depending on the persistence of the problem.
>I think it's pretty targeted. The target keeps moving though, given the complex nature of my life experiences and my current stressors.
> the other thing is that if you don't have a problem with your dopamine or serotonin systems, taking medications that effect them introduces more instability to your system.
>
yes. I'd definitely agree with you.> many people find they get suicidal and homicidal thoughts from medications such as ADs and APs, so medicating could actually make your situation a whole lot worse.
when I first started taking AD (cymbalta) my self-destructive instinct was very very strong. I had too many suicidal crises. I was not very forthcoming about them to my T or pdoc either, until long after the fact. I'm impressed that during my most recent crisis I was able to call T and leave a Vmail and send pdoc and email and tell them what was going on. ((((me)))) but I don't want that to happen again. it was really really scary.
Rozerem makes me sleep for about 10 hours in a row. This is very nice sometimes and too much at other times. right now is a good time for me to be heading off for beddy beddy.
gnite and thank you for magnificent discussion. I dunno Latin- can you translate your name for me? just curious,
my name is Lurpsish for llrrrpp pasta.
al dente, of course
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:732480
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070219/msgs/734370.html