Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 9, 2007, at 19:22:21
In reply to Re: Memories » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by Phillipa on February 9, 2007, at 18:54:48
> Lurpsie .5mg and that is not a high dose at all. A baby one. So try not to worry. Love Phillipa
I do try not to worry. It's hard though. It's hard enough asking for HELP. It's really hard asking for help from a doctor (don't like doctors much-- bad experiences). VERY VERY hard for me to ask a doctor for a drug, even an antibiotic. I feel like a pill-seeker.
It took me a month of falling asleep for 15 hours a day before I could tell pdoc of excessive sleepiness. I was so worried he'd think of me as being a stimulant junkie- another one of those college students who thinks that the secret to productivity comes in a bottle.
And about 8 months of weekly therapy-induced panic attacks before I could acknowledge to T and pdoc that I was feeling intense panic in the hours preceeding an appt.
And assorted other panicky anxiety thingies too.
I even KNEW ahead of time that my pdoc was not benzo-phobic. He tried to get me to take them before and I said, maybe it's not so bad. Then it got bad. and actually I'm pretty sensitive to them. They do make me feel calmer and more focused. At the moment they are the only thing helping me sleep. On days when I don't take an afternoon/evening dose, I've been getting about 5 hours of restless sleep. Then I send pdoc a panicky e-mail. he says. TAKE the KLONOPIN. okay. he didn't yell at me. but still. I balk. I try to survive on a half tablet until the terror starts rising in my throat. For now, I'm gonna take 1 mg a day in split doses. It's very difficult to find a good balance between feeling manic and feeling mentally retarded. I really have to try hard to get work done in those rare moments when my brain is 1) awake enough to focus 2) not too awake as to be hypervigilant and panicky.
prn of provigil and klonopin. I'm still learning, though. Every day is very different. so unstable.
-Ll
poster:Llurpsie_Noodle
thread:730649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070207/msgs/731491.html