Posted by Philip N. on September 29, 2006, at 9:14:54
In reply to Re: Long Term Antidepressant Withdrawal Success » Philip N., posted by SLS on September 28, 2006, at 23:33:33
Hi Scott.
One of my biggest difficulties in this knowing whether or not I have crossed a line so to speak with this illness where it will always be there. I've also tried to ask myself if that's been the case all along (since youth). What I mean by that is acceptance of who I am.
My family was not extended on either side so I don't know about histories outside of immediate but there was alot of alcohol in earlier years until 2 yeras after I started ADs in 1998. At that time I felt that kicking the booze aside was paramount to any satisying living. It may be the opposite with these medications but it runs opposite to my way of thinking.
As long as I felt that this was all helping me I never really had a concern. Sure there are the effects on emotions and what have you but it seemed to be moving forward in a positive direction. It's when I ran aground after stopping that I've been struggling with any bearing that years under their influence may have had.
I'm sure with the alcohol I was self medicating as the professionals call it. It is agreeable that I've struggled with Depression most of my life since my teen years. I thought most of that was due to an irresponsible lifestyle even though I was funtional at work and school and having a family.
I've thought of the meds as a crutch not unlike alcohol and believed that at this point in life my lessons would allow me to put them aside also.
In my current state I don't think that is the case. I thought this was something that I was controlling with voluntary assistance of medication but it may prove that the nature of the illness mandates assistance.My doctor says also that much of this is progressive as we age and that we can't bounce back as we did 20 or 30 years ago from adversities in life. I thought we become wiser as we age and maybe this experience is giving me more personal insight than I realize.
My fear of double jeopardy is that when I start back on meds I'm drawn further into that circle but at the same time from where I'm at I don't know if I have a choice. Some say be strong and move on but when we are on our backs and life is moving past us how long can we maintain that way of living? Currently I don't even want to leave the house (6 weeks now). I feel that I at least need to be strong enough for my wife and children to accept my situation and listen to the professionals. After all, none of us choose to suffer like this and I do know it is a true illness. When your head is all screwed up though it makes you question things maybe more than you would "normally". All I want now is to be present for my family and not so engrossed in my fears that they have to suffer uneccesarily due to my stubborness if you can call it that.
I will admit still that the controversy surrounding SSRIs has me in a personal quaqmire as they may be the best meds currently available. Again, if they are, what do we do if and when they stop working?
Thanks......let me know.
poster:Philip N.
thread:689687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060927/msgs/690152.html