Posted by circusboy on July 25, 2006, at 17:58:51
Well, clearly I *can* stop. And I have, several times. I just miss it so much when I'm not taking it. It always starts out great, then after about five days it makes me un-social, sad... generally dysphoric.
But it's the only thing that's stopped the "itching" in my head, the confusion and paralysis in the face of minor decisions, the erratic moodiness... It's restored my capacity to write analytically, to keep a few ideas in my head at once like I could before my first major diagnosed depression nine years ago... And again, it stops the itchiness (which isn't just a metaphor).
I do worry that I've developed some sort of dependence. Last time I quit I went through five days of total lethargy and mental dullness like I don't think I'd ever experienced. But maybe that's another thread for another board.
From the older Strattera threads I've read here, it seems the Strattera-induced depression doesn't diminish over time. So I'm going to have to quit again.
I'm just not sure what to do next. My last "trial" before Strattera + Ritalin and after nortriptyline + Ritalin was just plain Ritalin, 10mg, three times a day. I seemed to be doing...fine? I can't remember now. Either way, something did make me "ask [my] doctor about Strattera," and it wasn't the commercials. I blame Racer. (Not really ;))
I mean, even when I'm doing pretty bad, I can hold a job. I've even started going back to school (one class at a time, but still), I have a couple of friends. In other words, I function fairly well. So why do I keep up the drug thing? Am I just on some level unwilling to give up a certain identity?
I know, you can't answer those questions. Still. I'm Strattera-dysphoric, and more ambivalent about meds than ever. After my bad nortriptyline experience, I was sure I was through with all of this. Maybe I should've held onto that feeling.
-cb
poster:circusboy
thread:670439
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060724/msgs/670439.html