Posted by yxibow on July 3, 2006, at 12:28:35
In reply to share you benzo experience, posted by rjlockhart on June 26, 2006, at 20:29:19
Well, hi all, I'm on vacation, you could say "Lost in Translation" in my favourite city after driving over 1300 miles. The current benzodiazepine and neuroleptic regime clouds my experience to surreality though I'm perfectly sane, the disorder and the medicines make a city I love and want to return gives me panic-ridden feelings both for my own personal safety (i.e. driving) and getting out and just doing something in what I just love but it is so surreal nearly 9 years after graduation that I remember my old self and the city has changed even since my previous visit (less medicine then and a bit more problems, yet ironically I was somewhat better off doing things.)
On to the benzodiazepines
I first took Xanax, if I can recall, earlier in life, for anxiety on plane flights. I don't fly any more since.. well anyhow. I may get my strength back but there's a massive disorder in my life and its due a lot to trapped anxiety from the prior.I took Tranxene in college 3x a day something like 7.5 to 15mg at a time. Eventually the university wanted to move both my doctor and psychologist to the same place. I had disthymia and was under Zoloft or one of the available SSRIs at the time I believe -- went through various things. Loved the state I was in but wanted to return home -- returned home, wanted to go back. Being a gay male I liked the psychologist as he was such and I could identify; the doctor was a, pardon the expression as I am not a mysogynist, feminist *** who I could tell did not like either my input from the PDR or my maleness. It was not a good situation and the previous doctor probably would have been better.
Anyhow -- enough on the social aspects of college, which was the best independence I have yet shared in my life -- I didnt know about benzodiazepines like I do now, the best I recall is that my friends, my partner/date, I believe could tell that I was on a bit too much of the Tranxene. I eventually decided to quit it cold turkey.
Bad idea -- within a day the muscles on my scalp twisted and moved around (my friend/partner, others could tell this was a fact by touching my head). This phenomenon continued -- the emergency clinic at the college which mostly focused on sports medicine I believe kinda poo-pood this phenomenon.
I wanted back on it, but the ** doctor only gave me half back. She wanted to put me on Zyprexa or Seroquel, none of which I needed at the time. In this particular state, there was a sub-doctor (psychiatric nurse) that I saw that was allowed to prescribe non-scheduled substances. All else had to be channeled through said doctor who was the psychiatrist at the clinic.
Nearly 10 years later, when anxiety happens, I still have scalp movement. The only thing that helped was (expired) Soma. My current doctor won't prescribe Soma because I'm (on) and on a lot of Valium. It does make sense though because Soma can make Valium dangerously powerful, theoretically. So I take its weaker chemically related cousin Robaxin.
On to the next benzodiazepine.
During my treatment for this disorder (visual related somatiform conditions), I have taken Klonopin up to levels beyond what is normally prescribed (nearly 8mg). The higher doses had profound effects but they do cloud my reaction time. Anyhow I felt that I wanted to change to something different that might help my anxiety more, possibly. So we had crosstapered to an equivalent ratio of Valium.
I now take between 160 and 170mg of Valium, probably among the highest benzodiazepine loads that I've seen here although I have seen posts of 10mg of Klonopin before.That one will be a sticky wicket to reduce, although I have not really habituated that much -- its possible to an extent I might have.
I and mostly my doctor view the Valium as a "necessary evil" and although are now chipping pieces off of it, it will take time to see if any paring will make any difference. There's only time and there is no hurry on it as long as I pay attention to the world. No cold turkeys, no fast tapers. I don't want some other thing to snap.
I'm not mad that Tranxene caused the scalp/back problems (well maybe I am inside) -- I am more mad that the doctors didnt tell me to immediately return to the dose and pare down properly. Because its still here. Sometimes. When I drive down the road and my Valium level isnt high and visual things are coming into my face and making me anxious -- the scalp movement is still there.I'm mad at the psychiatrist there that I am glad I do not have any more.
I just wish my current problem would snap itself back as it snapped on Nov 17, 2001 literally overnight, causing me to be out of the workforce for years, and I am trying to return to it with baby steps.
So, long story short -- I believe in the safety of benzodiazepines. They have been around in the laboratory since 1958 and there are so many of them, with the same properties, nearly all 1,4 benzodiazepines. There are some really obscure benzodiazepines that have never been marketed in the US or Canada or most places that may not be 1,4 -- if I remember my chemistry correct, but that is the general formula.Benzodiazepines can be habituating, when not prescribed right, when not taken in a proper manner, and for a certain part of the population. This is quite different from addiction, which is, and I will use it only in context for benzodiazepines, the use of them for non-medical purposes such as street recreational use of Xanax.
A small segment of people could theoretically also be habituated and addicted at the same time, due to perhaps genetic disposition to things like alcoholism and the like.So, there, in a very long read is my experience, and opinion of benzodiazepines mixed with my lifestory I guess.
(disclaimer) -- this is only an opinion, and if there are any non-I statements, they are an error.
Tidings
-- yxibow
poster:yxibow
thread:661702
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060701/msgs/663785.html