Posted by jealibeanz on June 4, 2006, at 6:32:06
I've considered a bipolar diagnosis before, but always dismiss it once the depression goes away. I am far from the typical manic that people tend to think of. I'm a mild mannered person. The diagnosis would make sense though. I've been dealing with anxiety since childhood and the depressive episodes since high school. I'm 23 now.
Over the past month I've struggles with significant anxiety and depression. I had to start Xanax, which helps. The depression has been terrible at times. Recently, I've had days where it's let up and I feel normal. However, I can alternate between days or hour of feeling suicidal for no reason or completely healthy. In the last two weeks my sleep ranges from 2-12 hours a night, without feeling abnormal at the time. Sometimes I'm very energized, sometimes I feel like I need to sleep for days.
My depressions are recurrent, happening at least seasonally, but sometimes more often. My mother has said that I go in 3 year cycles (not sure I'd agree, but she's seen a cyclical pattern). I tend to just crash into a black hole out of nowhere when it sets in. I've always worried about when, not if, my major depression will come back. I'm always 100% certain that it will return, not just once, but regularly throughtout my life. I suppose this is a major sign which I've failed to clearly communicate to anyone.
I've tried several antidepressants. I can't say whether they truely helped that much. They were all discontinued due to side effects and the fact that they weren't significantly enhancing my life in any way.
I've gone through low energy periods of depression. My freshman year at college I slept the majority of the time, probably 12-16 hours at times. This went on from about September til March. I've also had periods of very bad insomnia.
My anxiety is usually very bad. Sometimes the social anxiety was so bad that I avoided going out with people to events or parties for nearly two years. It comes and goes. I also had constant general anxiety.
Could I have bipolar? I hate the idea! I'm fearful enough of AD's, which I was looking into. I hate the fact that they've done little for me except cause weight gain (Paxil, Busparm Wellbutrin, Effexor). Most mood stabilizers are even worse in this respect, right? I really don't think I'll just get better on my own, but am very untrustful of medications.
poster:jealibeanz
thread:652677
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060604/msgs/652677.html