Posted by Whit_in_Texas on April 2, 2006, at 16:55:33
In reply to Re: Lamictal causing depression? Scott » sigolene, posted by SLS on April 2, 2006, at 7:58:48
Hello everyone, I am the real Whit. The person writing in my stead previously is my wife. I have no problem with her doing so and I gave her full permission to do so (as I was completely non-functional). Besides, she has a Ph.D. in Psychology, and has had me as a 12 year "in-patient"!
Anyway, I have some of my own questions that I would love to get your feedback on. First, let me tell you that I have a severe case of treatment resistant depression which blasted its way into my life about 15 years ago. Since then my diagnosis has bounced all over the place – MDE, BP I, BPII, ADHD. I’ve been through just about the full gamut of treatments, including SSRIs, atypicals, MAOIs and Tri-cyclics – I even got so desperate I asked to have ECT done (had 3 treatments – lost a lot of memory – I don’t recommend it).
A few years ago – 5 at least – I was visiting back home in Austin. My brother had been taking Ritalin and Adderall practically his whole life and had a bunch of med bottles in the middle of the kitchen table. This was back before the backlash against those drugs and Adderall was working so well for my brother. The bottle was almost full and, being the curious cat that I am, I took one (10mg I think). I have my own bachelors in Psych. and had a lot of courses in psychopharmacology, etc. so I knew it wouldn’t do me too much harm.
Anyone out there that has taken amphetamine in any form, illicit or prescribed (Adderall consists of a mix of Amphetamine salts), can relate back to their first use. Bliss and euphoria all over the place. It kicked in as we were driving home, subtly but steadily. I was thinking, “This must be what it is like to be normal” and could not believe that a tiny little pill could have such an amazing effect. Now I wish that I had never experienced it.
Cutting to the chase: I convinced my pdoc to let me try Adderall. First 10mg, then 20mg, and after switching pdocs a couple of times I was taking EIGHTY mg of Adderall, on top of the plethora of other meds, just to feel normal. I was also put on Klonopin (up to 4mg/day) to I could sleep at night. It gut really ugly after that but I will spare you.
So now here I am: suffering from a dual addiction to Adderall and Klonopin on top of my original depression. I have something of a plan to taper off of the Klonopin, but I need some serious help with the Adderall.
Going off Adderall is pure hell – Anhedonia becomes your master. Unless you have felt it yourself it is impossible to completely comprehend. It means literally “the inability to experience pleasure.” I could try to describe it, but everything falls so short. Let me put it this way: if given the choice between being in full health with anhedonia or becoming a quadriplegic but never experiencing anhedonia, I would take the latter.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW ANYTHING HELPFUL ABOUT ADDERALL WITHDRAWAL???
I just finished three days off of it. I took every sleep aid I had available as sleep is the only escape. I wanted to quit for good but after 3 days I am ready to tear myself apart. I do not want to exist anymore. I wish I had never been born into this hellish world. What were once suicidal ideations are starting to cross the line. And yes, I have been “hospitalized” – several times. Those places are worse than being in jail. Please help me if you know anything helpful at all.
Best regards,Whit
poster:Whit_in_Texas
thread:626481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060329/msgs/627912.html