Posted by crazy teresa on January 20, 2006, at 10:59:23
In reply to Re: Isnt it funny..., posted by rod on January 19, 2006, at 12:45:43
I'm back on my soapbox with "Changes That Heal", because it truly changed the way I live my life. This book helped me soooo much to deal with the fact that decisions people make are in fact, their decisions, however much we may not agree with the decision in itself.
It is your mom's coice to value $ over you, and yes it sucks, and yes, it hurts, and yes, it messes with our heads, but it was her choice to make.Unfortunately, we still have to deal with the consequences others' decisions bring into our lives, but just understanding this concept helped me move on from the attitude of neediness and perpetual dissapointment of 'what-can-I-do-to-make-you-love-me-the-way-I-need-to-be-loved' to one of 'I hope some day my mother will choose to make an effort to have a mutually beneficial, enjoyable relationship with me.' If she doesn't, it's her loss; I could be a fan-freaking-tastic daughter to her. (I still am at every opportunity I have to be one.) But until she wants this kind of a relationship with me, too, our relationship will continue to be what it is, one based on her illness and my self-preservation from her and her illness.
Even here in BabbleLand, this plays out over and over. It was bobster's choice to block Lar. We don't like it, nor agree with it, but he made his choice. We have to live with it. It ain't gonna change. Have there been consequences for making us live with this decision? I can see a several. And it makes you wonder if one of them is so few attending in Toronto.
Back to mom; the entire process of there must be something wrong with ME for her to act this way, is wrong thinking. In fact, the way she acts toward me is just the way she is period. An unmedicated bipolar, who is not willing to help herself get better.
It's a great place to be, once you 'get it.'
I'm glad you're feeling better, even if you start peeing in the hamper! ;~}
poster:crazy teresa
thread:600704
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060115/msgs/601057.html