Posted by UgottaHaveHOPE on December 2, 2005, at 20:34:56
In my battle with anxiety and depression, this was the toughest thing for me to accept. Not accepting it set me back perhaps for months and years.
Before all this started, I refused to take an aspirin for a headache. I didn't want anything un-natural (well, other than Cheetos and Doritos perhaps) in my body.
So you can imagine my horror when I had my very first visit to the pdoc and she handed t-h-r-e-e different prescriptions. I went from not taking Tylenol to digesting pills with names I could not pronounce. I felt like I had lost my youth, and overnight transformed to a walking medical cabinet. It devastated me.
I could not come to terms with taking the meds. Every time I got a little better, I would ween down and eventually stop taking everything, And of course it would never fail, that eventually I would get worse, go back to the pdoc, then get higher doses of everything.
It was an awful cycle that repeated itself for many years and most definitely stunted my recovery. Why was I not strong enough to recover from this on my own strength? Why did I need to take these awful tablets? Why was I not feeling better?
The more I tried to reason, the worse I got. I mean, I was close to checking in somewhere. My thought patterns were out of control. I worried about worrying.
Finally I ran into my Sunday school teacher who was also an MD. He sat me down and looked me in the eye and said twice GOD GIVES PEOPLE THE KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE MEDICINES TO HELP PEOPLE.
He then explained how a heart patient would take heart medicine and a diabetic would take insulin, etc. Only then did I begin to accept that I had to take meds. It was hard, and I was hardheaded, but I finally relented.
Then came the most awful thought of all: What if I had to stay on these meds forever? Yikes. That idea tormented like no other.
I didn't need my Sunday school teacher to rationalize this one for me. I finally came to the conclusion that I need to be concerned about making it through just TODAY and not be concerned about the tomorrows. When those days arrive, each of them, then you can think about them. All I think about now is just making it through TODAY.
I just wanted to share this with anyone else who is struggling with being put on meds. My heart goes out to you.
poster:UgottaHaveHOPE
thread:584770
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051126/msgs/584770.html