Posted by iforgotmypassword on October 21, 2005, at 10:42:05
In reply to Re: are the Dr. Amen and clinics, SPECT worthwhile, posted by med_empowered on October 21, 2005, at 9:43:10
thanx for responding... i don't know how i am writing now. but it's not really my writing. it's a trick. it's like running back and forth out of a prison with messages written with the poorest of tools, while *drugged*, and trying to run as fast as i can to avoid the guards shooting at my kneecaps. and i'm often not successful. writing and speaking are some of the things i have most difficulty with. there is a huge block with language flow and also emotion. especially when some one is present, i go into a 'mode'. it's like i am cut off from certain parts of my brain. the only emotion i feel is anger, and i can laugh at very mindless humour that really isn't funny. really isn't, i don't understad why i laugh. this kind of leads me to wonder about more prefrontal cortex crap.
now aside from that what speaking ability i do have i EXCEL with, i have called it my CONVERSATIONAL level of functioning, and i believe it leads people to believe that i actually can function and think "i know exactly what is wrong with this lazy hypochondriacal *sshole, certainly nothing neurological." but then that and being cut off from my emotions makes it even worse. i can never ask anyone for help and tell anyone how desperate i am, because as soon as i am in the presence of someone i am anesthesitized, i am in this 'mode'.
some things i do well to some degree, like skimming for and retaining strange technical information, and my long term memory, while i have trouble, i seem to retain certain things other people don't. as for the functional aspects of my memory, it is completely useless. :( people have to repeat things to me and i still wont remember them. this always frustrates my father. and ever since my childhood i've been strongly criticized for 'not listening'. yet i am still trying to be as aware as possible.
of course, executive and 'initiative' are the worst and any task is terrible. i cant believe other people don't see this. and it's getting worse, not only can i just get myself to wear the same dirty clothes everyday, but i am always forgetting to brush my teeth, take medication, shave (which leads to a pretty awkward appearance since people often otherwise think i'm a woman)... and my apartment has been like this forever. it is both a health and a fire hazard, and things that sentimental thing that are important i am constantly finding damaged. :( god, i dont know what to do, and even if i did, i know i wouldn't have any cognitive manuever to get myself to do whatever simple task(s).
poster:iforgotmypassword
thread:569359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20051017/msgs/569788.html