Posted by AMD on March 12, 2005, at 1:07:46
In reply to Re: Help! Various questions..., posted by Optimist on March 1, 2005, at 8:21:59
Hey,
After your great words of support a couple weeks ago, I went and failed again. I feel like I've let you, and everyone else, down. Suddenly I'm back to where I was -- depressed, worried, guilty, sad. Mainly I'm worried because the stuff I took was /really/ strong, and although I don't think I OD'd, now I'm reading these scary articles about brain hemorrhaging, permanent brain damage, etc. -- and I'm freaking out. To top it off I can't concentrate without feeling depressed and sad which reenforces my fears.
I am soooo mad at myself about this. It's like I'm putting a gun to my head, firing, and, having lived, doing it again.
I don't want to live the rest of my life as a vegetable. How will I know I'm ok? Did I do physical or mental harm? How would I know? Ugh -- I'm freaking out! :-( :-( Should I go to the hospital? Or is this just the depression talking? I don't feel sick, but I'm worried and I have a headache. Of course I haven't had caffeine in a few days -- I've been in bed, missing work, feeling like a junkie and a zero. If I step back I do think, "you've come a long way" -- and then I slip not once, I could forgive myself for once, but twice. Twice in two weeks! I need help!
I'm on Celexa and Lamictal. Perhaps this is not working. Perhaps mania is rearing its ugly head. How else could I "forget" how horrible I feel one day only to go do it again the next.
Now more worries -- Hep B, C (from sharing a key to snort), other diseases. I feel dirty. I hope I come away from this alive.
[I just read the above before posting. I sound completely out of my mind.]
Help me.
amd
poster:AMD
thread:464481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050308/msgs/469929.html